Monday, December 19, 2005

A riddle for you... Ewww, YUCK!

What do you get when you cross a Ford minivan going 78 miles an hour down the interstate and an 80 pound pitbull walking across the same interstate at the same time?

Nothing good for the dog, I tell ya.

And it did not do the underside or the rear of the minivan any good either.

Dog, dead. Several times over
Rear bumper cover, split in two
Rear window, splattered
Undercarriage dented and yucky
Children, wife and teen passengers, grossed out

Gotta love a good road trip.

Thursday, December 15, 2005


I can't believe that it has been this long since I had something to bitch or whine about. Actually, I have planned on putting several things over here, but I haven't taken the time.

So the short versions follow:

I have a new nemesis in the hood. Actually two nemises, (Or is it nemisi?) Two little pricks who drie like crap through the neighborhood and like threatening people with baseball bats.

And the other major issue in my life right now... I hate Christmas music. And anyone who likes Christmas music.

Especially if you like Christmas music, can't drive worth a damn and are a high school football player whose little chump twin brother likes to threaten neighbors with baseball bats.

By the way, I really do like people who like Christmas music. And I can even listen to Christmas music, but not until December 23rd.

High school aged jerks with bats? Never liked 'em. Never will.

Friday, November 25, 2005

I am thankful for...

having an hour to waste on Tuesday morning. And for lousy customer service agents. They give me a target for all of my ire and hate. And I got a lot to go around...

It all started last weekend when I killed my cell phone by dropping it off of a fishing pier. Not surprisingly, after I fished it off of the bottom with a net, it would not work. I have been wanting a new phone anyways, so I wasn't too upset.

We keep the cell phone for emergencies and so that I have a way to contact The Boss Lady while the kids and I are out running around. In more than a year and a half we have only talked on the thing like 500 minutes. It lives in the diaper bag most of the time. And frequently goes missing for days at a time. We are not tied too tightly to this phone. So we use a prepaid service.

We have always been pleased with Tracfone. When we got it, the phone came with a year's service and about 40 minutes of talk time. We put a couple of hundred minutes on it back then and the time lasted us the entire year. In March we bought another year of service and about 300 minutes. In all of that time, we had no missed calls and no dropped calls, so what more do we need?

But when I killed the phone we still had about 75 minutes on the phone. According to Paul in customer service, they could not verify the time, so they would only give me 10 minutes for activating my new phone. But I could keep the last 4 months of my year of service. He was not rude, just not allowed to solve my problem. When I asked to speak to a supervisor, he offered me 30 minutes and the remaining service time. No deal.

Then Paul asked if I would settle for 75 minutes and the months. Yes, we have a deal, Paul. But after I agreed, he transferred me to a supervisor anyways. I waited on hold for 20 more minutes but Florence, the supervisor, would not agree to credit the 75 minutes, only the 30, and I would need to buy another year of service immediately.

And she called me a liar. Said that her employee never agreed to anything of the sort. And if said he did, then he was lying, too. This was her only offer, take it or leave it.

Hey Florence, you stupid bitch, no deal.

So I demanded my case number and asked to speak to her supervisor. I was pretty sure she would hang up on me, so if I had a decent case number, maybe I would not have to wait so long on a follow up call.

20 minutes later, the manager, Maria and I had another deal. And after I spent another 10 minutes explaining that I did not like being called a liar by her employee, she gave us a little bit of extra time. We now have the remainder of our year of service and 90 minutes of talk time.

So I spent 55 minutes on the phone. I got my time and service back and 15 extra minutes. I figure the time cards cost about $40 for 80 minutes, so even though it was a hassle, it was worth it. And I bet we won't use all of this time beore we have to buy more time in March.

So now, if I ever go to New Delhi I'll have cell service to call and get bail money. Because if I go to New Delhi and I run into Florence, I'm kicking her ass. And maybe Paul will help me.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Words to live by...

A neighbor gave me a copy of this. It is now hanging over the workbench...

Troubleshooting Flowchart

Don't look if strong language offends you. But if it does, you probably have not been out in my garage while I am troubleshooting...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hundreds of years of technological development. For THIS?

The Infinite Cat Project

Just click on NEXT Cat on the upper right of the screen. You'll see.

Want more info? Here is their main page.

For the record, I stopped after 27 cats. Or was it 127?

Anyways, there are currently 1069 pictures added...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The value of i

This morning on the news, they flashed a headline "Hillary Clinton Indicted". That got my attention quickly.

Turns out they were reporting that Hillary Clinton had been inducted into some organization, not indicted.

Oops. So much for spell cheek.

Full disclosure, I did spell check this entry... It is supposed to be irony

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

It was something...

I saw or heard something today that was either hilarious or stupid or ironic or just plain dumb enough that I planned to blog about it here.

But I forgot what it was. If you remember, let me know.

Rebate Schmeebate

I swear I will never again be fooled by rebate prices. You know, when a retail store marks an item with the shelf price, minus the mail in rebate, and the price in an unbelievably great deal?

I have never been screwed by one of these deals. I have always gotten the rebate. Eventually.

I am now into my 10th week of waiting for a $50 rebate on a computer hard drive. They ask customers to wait 8 weeks for the refund. So I have now called the 1800 customer service line and used their web based tracking system. They all say the same thing "In Processing". Just like they told me two weeks ago.

Today though, I got an email directly from a customer service rep at the company. The way the email was written, I think it was an actual person sending it, not a computer generated response to my inquiry. And now she say that they have only had the request for 6 weeks. Isn't it funny that I mailed it less than 500 miles and it took 20 days to get to them? I have never ticked off my mail man, so I don't think it actually took that long.

But believe me, Annette, in customer service will be getting a lot of email from me in a couple of weeks if the rebate isn't here, soon. It might even be worth her sending me a $50 personal check, just to get me to go away.

Friday, September 09, 2005


The kids are watching Barney. I am getting the house and yard ready for a playdate. When I walked in the house, the Barney kids were singing a song. I only heard a few lines, but it must've been a great song.

"Let's have an intervention
We will find a good snack there."

When I asked The Talker, he said they were singing about "Going to the kitchen."

Yeah right. I am sure they were about to confront the kids with glasses about his meth addiction.

The Talker makes a good point, though. The kids were all wearing chef's hats. And no one has ever worn one of those at any of my interventions.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Stick THIS!

You've seen the stickers on the back of minivans, right? The ones that identify the driver's progeny by first name and by whatever activity they excel in. Sometimes the have a team logo or a uniform number...

Anyways, I have always thought they are a little pretentious and snotty. Why else would they only be on SUVs and minivans? And yes, I know there are several of these stickers in my extended family. Tough titty. I've made fun of my relatives for less...

So tonight I saw the highest form of sticker snobbery. A green SUV with two stickers. One on each side of the read window. In the shape of dog bones.

I swear. Outlines of dog bones with the pooch's name inside. One bone read Jake, the other, Sadie. Maybe they do have dog faced kids with canine names?

Who gives a good dog damn what your ugly mutts names are? I've got a freaking registered something or other dog that we paid way too much for. He still chews my shoes and digs up the backyard. Who cares?

Nobody cares. That's who.

Now if Jake and Sadie join the Baseball Team or the High School Marching Band Tuba section, put that on your window. 'Cause that, I'd want to know about.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Every good marriage needs a soundtrack... (or a laughtrack)

It's The Little Things by Robert Earl Keen
From the album, The Party Never Ends

It's the way you stroke my hair while I am sleepin'
It's the way you tell me things I don't know
It's the way you remember I came home late for dinner
Eleven months and fourteen days ago


It's the little things the little bitty things
Like the way that you remind me I've been growin soft
It's the little things the itty bitty things
It's the little things
That piss me off

It's the note that you leave on the breakfast table
With a list of things to help me plan my day
It's the way you say we could have If you'd done the things you should have
It's the little things Darlin that make me feel this way


It's the little things the little bitty things
like the way that you remind me I've been growin soft
It's the little things the itty bitty things
It's the little things
That piss me off

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Got a Monkey on my Back...

I swear I just heard Boots the Monkey yell "Rehab" when Dora was singing the Where are We Going song.

You know the song,

Where are we going?


And yes, I did come back to this post and change the title. This one is much better than the original, Hello, Hallucinations...

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

ADHDaddy Farm and Ranch Realty Co.

This morning we were driving past a thrift store. On the front of the store they had a banner that read "Putting People to Work".

So that got me thinking of a way to restate that sentiment. Then I got bored and decided on a great sign for a real estate company, specifically one that specializes in farm and ranch land... "Putting People Out to Pasture".

I thought it was funny. The wife thought it was funny. But know that only a few minutes later I told The Boss Lady that I was so hungry "I could eat my own left tit".

Take that as you wish.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Wanna see DeeDee Doodle unmasked?

Trish, over at Gibble Gobber Nabber Gabber has a picture posted. She has a picture of Moe without makeup, too.

Why do I care? I don't know. But I do.

Just so you can see them for yourself, here is a link to The Doodlebop's website.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Do you ever

Look closely at the other people and cars in traffic? I do. It is one of my hobbies, since I don't keep a CD player, DVD player or cell phone in the car. And all of those days of peeping into other cars really paid off today.

A dark green Chrysler minivan was passing us on the freeway. The Boss Lady and I first noticed the big bottle of rum sitting on a pile of stuff on the passenger's front seat. Then there was the milk jug on the back seat with a hand written label on it that said 'Holy Water'. And to top it all off, on the back window was a big sticker of the Grim Reaper.

We tried to come up with good reasons for this scene beside us but we finally just decided to slow down and let that dude pass us on by. Especially after we spotted the statuette of The Virgin Mary,wearing a huge pile Mardi Gras beads, riding shotgun, right next to the bottle of rum.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

It's No Big Deal...

The 3 year old son was getting a reward this afternoon. He did a great job helping gather toys for donation to a charity thrift store. So I thought a long ride in the truck would be super-special.

On the way home he told me "I want a special surprise, this is just a ride in the truck."

3 months of work on the old rig, wasted.

Monday, June 20, 2005

I suspect it's not just the ladies...

Well I got my first truck, when I was three,
Drove a hundred thousand miles on my knees
Hauled marbles and rocks, and thought twice before
I hauled a Barbie Doll bed for the girl next door
When she paid me with a kiss I began to understand,
There's just something women like about a PickUp Man

When I turned sixteen, I saved a few hundred bucks
My first car was a Pickup Truck
Started cruisin' the town and the first girl I seen
Was Bobbie Jo Gentry the homecoming queen
She flagged me down and climbed up in the cab, and said
"I never knew you were a Pickup Man!"

A bucket of rust, or a brand new machine
Once around the block and you'll know what I mean

You can set my truck on fire, roll it down a hill
But I still wouldn't trade it for a Coupe DeVille
It's got an eight foot bed that never has to be made
You know if it weren't for trucks we wouldn't have tailgates
I met all my wives in traffic jams,
You know there's something women like about a Pickup Man

Pickup Man, as sung by Joe Diffe

At least two family members have gotten rid of pickup trucks this month. Do they think that Marge is going to be theirs to borrow when they want to move? Maybe so. Or maybe they know my truck is cooler than theirs and they just decided to let me reign as the family Pickup Man.

Well, that would be Pickup Man, Jr., since Dad has no plans to get rid of his truck. And remember, when it comes time to move, HIS truck has an automatic transmission AND air conditioning...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

It's Not MY Bedtime

I hardly ever put the kids to bed. Once The Boss Lady gets in from work, we eat dinner and play with the kids for a while or we go run some errands, then I usually hide out for a little while during bath and bedtime.

So tonight I have gotten my ass handed to me by a three year old who has memorized mommy's routine and only wants it that way. Actually, he went down pretty easily compared to Little Sister, who either is too tired and can't settle down or is teething or dinner upset her stomach or she wants more milk or the tv is too loud in the other room or the dogs are barking outside or it is too light to go to bed...

I don't have a clue. But I guarantee this ain't the first time for that.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Take this blog and post it

What the heck?

I like the BlogThis! toolbar feature, but the last two entries on my other blogs have gone AWOL.

I am trying this one with the BlogThis! feature, just to see if it will post. If not, no big loss. Unlike my other sites which will change your life with the words of wisdom shared there.

Yeah, right.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Welcome Back, Long Lost DoodleBop

The DoodleBops are no longer banished from this house. I said it was forever, turns out I really meant 3 weeks. The Talker really likes the show and yesterday it captivated all three kids.

Twenty three minutes of quiet? You betcha. Welcome back, old friends. Even though you are freaky mutants.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Since When

is poker a sport? I mean really, if bowling isn't a sport (and I think we can all agree on that) and ice dancing isn't a sport (MOST of us would agree with that), then how in the heck can DirecTV consider poker a sport?

See, my favorite feature of our satellite receiver is the ability to scroll through the channels that are showing sports. Today, I was finally bored with Indy Time Trials, and NFL Europe just does not catch my attention. So I was cruising channels looking for sports. My choices? The LPGA, NFL Europe, 3 different poker broadcasts, or the Indy Time Trials.

Zoom Zoom, back to Indy I raced...

Friday, May 13, 2005

Not Mine!

I was talking to Other Dad this morning about the amount of whining that The Talker does. I don't think he is any worse than other 3 year olds, just better at finding that spot on my spine where the whining voice grates the most.

While we were talking, Other Dad's son threw a fit. Whining, kicking crying - the whole enchilada. I was trying to keep The Talker occupied by watching baby deer in the neighborhood. But in reality, The Talker and I were most interested in what was going on. My boy, because he wanted to play with the fit thrower. And me? Morbid curiosity. I caught myself watching, not only to see how Other Dad dealt, but to see how much his son could dish out. They were both very successful.

I admit, it was nice to see my kid not being the one in trouble. And I really liked not having to deal with the aftermath of the fit. Of course, The Boss Lady would tell you that it all just looked like any weekend around here.

And I won't argue. Whine, maybe...

Monday, May 02, 2005

The Doodlebops are Forever Banished

I admit we watch a lot of TV. The Talker and I both like our television time. But today we watched a show that will never again be seen in this house. The Doodlebops.

It is some messed up stuff. I let the boy watch this show, instead of The Wiggles, which wasn't on for another 90 minutes. He did not know what to think. I asked if he wanted to keep watching and he answered "I think so...".

I was completely weirded out by the costumes. Those hands are messed up. I bet I have nightmares about these guys for months. CREEPY!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Gimme Gimme Gimme

We stayed at the ball park last night, through the 7th inning stretch. Mainly because The Talker has been really wanting to catch one of the bean-bag baseballs that the groundscrew throw into the stands before the bottom of the 7th inning starts. He wants one, because it has Spike on it.

He was the only kid for 10 rows. Sitting on the front row. I just knew it was his lucky night. The goobers throwing the balls talked to him and held the balls out to him, but they never threw him one. ARGH! He is three for Pete's sake. Don't tease him with the freakin' thing.

So he cried when they ran out of balls. Several fans sitting around us were jeering the staff as they left. That was pretty funny. But The Talker was really sad. A guy who caught one of the gimme balls asked the boy if he wanted the ball.

The Talker is usually shy around strangers, but I guess he saw his chance. "Yes, Thank you. Thank you for the ball. Daddy he caught me a ball!"

And instantly, mine was a happy boy, again.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Kind of ironic, right?

Our local cable system, part of Time Warner, is advertising National TV Turn Off Week.

If I were investing in Time Warner, I don't think I would want them supporting an event that cuts into the bottom line. They should be advertising National Leave the idiot box on 24/7 for the love of God, leave it on Week.

In the interest of full disclosure, we do not invest in Time Warner. The AtHomeFamily will NOT be participating in the National TV Turn Off Week. Not even for a little while. And we have a satellite system, not cable, so I really don't care what Time Warner does. But I loves me some reality tv. Bring on American HotRod.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Rode hard and put up wet

AtHomeDaddy is a tired mule. I was really looking forward to ignoring the kids for two solid days this weekend. Mommy time is good for them. And me.

Too bad, my plans to fish and work on the old truck just got crapped on by THE SCHEDULE. I forgot that The Boss Lady has to work Saturday, from 11am until 5pm. DAMN.

DAMN to the power of e squared.

No fishing, no truckin' and no quiet for AtHomeDaddy this weekend. At least I have somewhere to go and whine about it.

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Three Days?

The weather has been great here for the past half of a week. But this morning, I got up and realized that allgery season is here. I confirmed what my head and nose were telling me, when I went outside. The yellow glow of cedar pollen is now sticking to everything in sight.

So we got to play outside like crazy for three days. Now, we might not be out again until it is 130 degrees, in the middle of July. At least then, the pollen will have gone away and the wind won't be blowing tree by-products all over. Of course, that is about the time that smoke starts blowing in from Mexico. So then we have to stay inside for the rest of the summer, while Mexican farmers burn the remnants of their spring crops. Viva la smoke!

Stupid air. Who needs it?

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Too much sleep, can't function...

The Boss Lady has worked rally hard in the past couple of weeks to get The Princess on a better sleep schedule. Life is sweet, now that the girl creature is in her bed, AND not screaming half of the night.

The only problem is that I seem to be back on a night-time schedule. I did my damnedest to sleep right through the screaming and crying, but now that the house is quiet, I can't seem to settle down to sleep. And I can't get moving in the morning, either (since I am up half of the night, looking up truck stuff on the 'net).

Somebody wanna come over and scream me a lullaby in my ear?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Is it possible

That your brain could actually explode because you have listened to a three-year-old whine too much? I think I might be headed for an aneurysm if this boy does not get house-broken soon.

The dogs were house trained when we got them. The cats figured it out pretty quick. But The Talker? He just ain't getting it. And it makes him whine.

And that makes me whine.

And that makes The Boss Lady whine.

And then the baby whines.

What a fun afternoon. Wanna come over?

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I dont wanna

I am turning in my 'Adult Membership Card". I don't wanna be one anymore. Being an adult sucks. I quit.

Having to be the adult isn't fun anymore. I'm done.

Hell, I wasn't even a very good adult. I have always been whiney and bitchy, so maybe I wan't meant to be grown up. I think three years old sounds good to me right now.

So I'm going to take my nap now.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Where is the rest of my dishwasher?

I think we got shortchanged when we bought our dishwasher a couple of years ago. It must be the smallest capacity dishwasher in the world.

Why else would I be running it for the THIRD time today? We did not even eat lunch here. And why did we use 5 pans to cook dinner? It was spaghetti. Who needs 5 pots to make spaghetti?

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Keep Your #@(*#) Cookies!

ADHDaddy is really sick of little girls hawking cookies all over town. And just because you happen to recognize me from playgroups at the park, does not mean I am going to fork over $3 just because you kids are blocking the door to the auto parts store.

If I am hanging out at the parts store, on a Saturday afternoon, don't you think maybe my cash is already spoken for? Go set up your tables at the Jaguar dealership. And put a coat on those kids. It is cold and raining out there.

Besides that, we bought an entire case of cookies last week. Right before we bought a treadmill.

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Checking the Blogroll

I wanted to check the blogroll on AtHomeDaddy to see if it actually tags the blogs on my list when they are updated.

Here goes. And sorry if I tricked you into coming over here.

Sunday, February 06, 2005


Walking through the mall tonight, with the AtHomeFam, when TBL and I both noticed a guy wearing a black t-shirt who was standing at a sunglasses kiosk.

The lettering on his shirt took up the entire back of the shirt and each letter was about 6 inches tall. A couple of the letters were blocked with masking tape. But it was obvious what the shirt said. The shirt read:


(Insert your favorite four letter curse work in place of the asterisks. Naah, you need to brush up on your curses. It was worse than that.)

It was like a train wreck. I could not stop watching this guy. I really wanted to see it if the skies were going to open up and shoot a bolt of lightning through hishead, right out there in front of The Disney Store.

Good thing The Talker can't read yet. It would not have been nice of me to say "Go ask your mommy." if he had asked "What does **** mean?"

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Rain Sucks

So after building the playscape in time for The Talker's birthday party, and completely reworking the backyard, it looks like it will be raining during his party. Yeah!

And if it is not raining, it is supposed to be 45 degrees. Double Yeah!

Or best of all, it might even be raining AND cold! And won't that be fun.

Stupid January weather. This is Texas. It is supposed to be 85 degrees and sunny as Hell in January. Somebody better do something about it, quick!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

What's in the Bag, Mister?

It has been a while since I had anything good to post here.

Today it has rained off and on. The kids and I headed to Costco for smoothies and to cruise the aisles. On the way we stopped at a super-sized chain bookstore to read some kids books.

While there, the Talker had to go to the bathroom. When I came out of the bathroom with both kids and two diaper bags in tow, a staff member wanted to check the bags.

She said I was in there too long for a simple restroom break.


Are you f*&)ing kidding me? A diaper change on an 8 month old in a toilet stall, WHILE the three year old is trying to go potty without making a mess? And then a quick change of clothes for The Talker, because he made the mess I was dreading.

More because of how she asked, than anything, but I decided to be as rude as she was. And I scared the crap outta the staff when I said. "No. We are leaving." Three staff were standing at the doors of the store, trying to decide if it was worth chasing me in the rain, once we got to the car.

Maybe the cops will show up at our house sometime today. The Talker would love that for a rainy day distraction.