Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Once more, with FEELING, dumb ass!

I have blogged elsewhere about the way the idiots drive near my kid's school. Of course, that was two years ago and things change, right?

Yeah. not so much.

People, I cannot stress this enough... Don't drive like a stupid bastard around a school!

This morning, after I had safely deposited my kids at their classes, I was heading out to the car when I was dang near run over by a parent who was running late. All I got out of the Toyota driving tool was "Oh, sorry, got a little close, eh?"

I stopped the dad and tried my best to explain that although I would not be happy if he had run me over in the parking lot, his whole life would be turned upside down if he killed a kid in the school parking lot simple because he thought driving 45 through there was a good way to save a few minutes in the morning routine. And I only called him a "dumb ass" once!

I am not sure he got it. But I guarantee I'll be watching out for him to do some stupid crap like that again. I was still pissed and his kid was now late for class, so I decided to let it go.

As I was hopping in my car I heard the tell-tale crunch of sheet metal meeting harder metal. Nice! Luckily the parking lot was empty when a stupid prick decided to back out without looking and she rammed her Honda into a big steel basketball pole that sits in the middle of the parking lot.

Nice! Why don't you look before backing up, dumb ass...

Yes, the basketball pole is in the middle of the parking lot. But it has been there for years. And by the scratches along the pole it has withstood a lot of cars bouncing off of it. Actually, last year someone knocked the pole and backboard down. That must have been a helluva hit from a big ass SUV. But I was thrilled that the church who owns the parking lot put the goal back in place a few days later. And they used MORE concrete this time. So I doubt it will fall soon...

To summarize, no kids were harmed in the making of the parking lot fiasco this morning. But I figure at this rate the dumb asses will win and someone will kill a kid before semester break. So from now on, save the driving like a complete moron for the highways. Let the kids get to school without fearing for their lives, OK?

You do that and I will stop calling you a "dumb ass".


Tuesday, September 01, 2009

It's been a long time

For the past month or so I have really enjoyed torturing the wife with 12 little words.

No! Not "Hey honey, hold on to my beer and watch me try this..." something that strikes fear much deeper in her heart: "It's been a long time since we've been to the Emergency Room."

The woman doubles up in fear and panic every time she hears these words. Kind of like when she heard herself say "I do" about 14 years ago.