that babies would eventually cry themselves to sleep never met The Little Dude.
Fed? Check.
Clean diaper? Check.
Burped? Mostly.
Spit the rest up? All over me. Check.
Laying with a blanket did the trick? Nope.
Walking the hood surely did, right? Hah! 2 miles. He can cry through that without even breaking a sweat!
He was winding down when the cable installer working next door rang the doorbell. Like I needed another reason to hate the cable Co! Now I have him sitting up,in his baby carrier, watching a ceiling fan.
It isn't working.
But it is something, right? Yep.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
To the jackhole in the Honda minivan
Yeah, my kids and I WERE walking right the hell behind you when you threw the minivan into reverse in the school parking lot.
And double yeah, I did knock the shit outta the back end of your car, right next to the brand new, paper dealer's tags.. And I dropped the F Bomb where your kids could hear. So the hell what? Want to learn to drive that damn thing now that you bought it?
'Cause you are single-handedly giving all of the idiot minivan drivers a bad name, you careless shithead.
And double yeah, I did knock the shit outta the back end of your car, right next to the brand new, paper dealer's tags.. And I dropped the F Bomb where your kids could hear. So the hell what? Want to learn to drive that damn thing now that you bought it?
'Cause you are single-handedly giving all of the idiot minivan drivers a bad name, you careless shithead.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Wow, these spammers really know me!
I just got this email in my spam box.
Wow! Who knew I was such a distinguished stay at home dad? All you working stiffs are welcome to come over and bask in my greatness.
Congratulations on your Nomination to Distinguished Professionals!
M,
Congratulations!
It is my pleasure to inform you that on January 15th, 2009 your professional information was reviewed and accepted for inclusion in the 2010 edition of our Distinguished Professionals Hardcover Publication.
Distinguished Professionals recognizes and selects key executives & professionals in all disciplines and industries for outstanding business achievements.
This recognition is shared by those who have reached the highest level of success in their chosen profession.
Please take a moment to complete the invitation by clicking on the link below.
Wow! Who knew I was such a distinguished stay at home dad? All you working stiffs are welcome to come over and bask in my greatness.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The history of an economic collapse, maybe...
I just received a notice in the mail, advertising closeout deals at our nearby Saturn dealership. No big surprise, since we have bought two cars there in the last 4 years.
But I just had to laugh out loud at their tag line, "Own a Piece of History". Seems like one last, pretentious blurb from an already too pretentious car line that never lived up to it's potential...
But I just had to laugh out loud at their tag line, "Own a Piece of History". Seems like one last, pretentious blurb from an already too pretentious car line that never lived up to it's potential...
Sunday, November 01, 2009
"Just put that anywhere..."
It's an old joke that I yell out anytime I hear the great crash of plates and dishes come from a restaurant kitchen.
Here is another good joke.
Want to know what happens when a 6 pack of Shiner Bock comes rolling out of the 'fridge and meets the concrete floors in my kitchen? Beer Flood!
The house now smells like a mix of generic Lysol, good beer and Swiffer wets. Good times! And don't forget to wear shoes when you go in the kitchen.
Here is another good joke.
Want to know what happens when a 6 pack of Shiner Bock comes rolling out of the 'fridge and meets the concrete floors in my kitchen? Beer Flood!
The house now smells like a mix of generic Lysol, good beer and Swiffer wets. Good times! And don't forget to wear shoes when you go in the kitchen.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Why Moms are better than Dads.
They have this. Which is definitely NOT safe for work, church, toddlers or the elderly...
And we got this. Which is just painful, really.
Of course, we have this one, too. Which is better. But you could watch with your grandma during a Bible study.
The Mommy video needed a warning. How cool is that?
Girls rule the internetz.
They have this. Which is definitely NOT safe for work, church, toddlers or the elderly...
And we got this. Which is just painful, really.
Of course, we have this one, too. Which is better. But you could watch with your grandma during a Bible study.
The Mommy video needed a warning. How cool is that?
Girls rule the internetz.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
I must have a magic ass
I swear (I really do. You should hear me when the lawn mower won't start...) my rear end must be wired into the telephone system somehow.
For the second time today, just as my butt was hitting the couch for a couple of minutes of reading, the phone rang. I am starting to wonder if someone is watching me through the windows and making the phones ring when my seat finally finds a seat.
For the second time today, just as my butt was hitting the couch for a couple of minutes of reading, the phone rang. I am starting to wonder if someone is watching me through the windows and making the phones ring when my seat finally finds a seat.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Once more, with FEELING, dumb ass!
I have blogged elsewhere about the way the idiots drive near my kid's school. Of course, that was two years ago and things change, right?
Yeah. not so much.
People, I cannot stress this enough... Don't drive like a stupid bastard around a school!
This morning, after I had safely deposited my kids at their classes, I was heading out to the car when I was dang near run over by a parent who was running late. All I got out of the Toyota driving tool was "Oh, sorry, got a little close, eh?"
I stopped the dad and tried my best to explain that although I would not be happy if he had run me over in the parking lot, his whole life would be turned upside down if he killed a kid in the school parking lot simple because he thought driving 45 through there was a good way to save a few minutes in the morning routine. And I only called him a "dumb ass" once!
I am not sure he got it. But I guarantee I'll be watching out for him to do some stupid crap like that again. I was still pissed and his kid was now late for class, so I decided to let it go.
As I was hopping in my car I heard the tell-tale crunch of sheet metal meeting harder metal. Nice! Luckily the parking lot was empty when a stupid prick decided to back out without looking and she rammed her Honda into a big steel basketball pole that sits in the middle of the parking lot.
Nice! Why don't you look before backing up, dumb ass...
Yes, the basketball pole is in the middle of the parking lot. But it has been there for years. And by the scratches along the pole it has withstood a lot of cars bouncing off of it. Actually, last year someone knocked the pole and backboard down. That must have been a helluva hit from a big ass SUV. But I was thrilled that the church who owns the parking lot put the goal back in place a few days later. And they used MORE concrete this time. So I doubt it will fall soon...
To summarize, no kids were harmed in the making of the parking lot fiasco this morning. But I figure at this rate the dumb asses will win and someone will kill a kid before semester break. So from now on, save the driving like a complete moron for the highways. Let the kids get to school without fearing for their lives, OK?
You do that and I will stop calling you a "dumb ass".
Deal?
Yeah. not so much.
People, I cannot stress this enough... Don't drive like a stupid bastard around a school!
This morning, after I had safely deposited my kids at their classes, I was heading out to the car when I was dang near run over by a parent who was running late. All I got out of the Toyota driving tool was "Oh, sorry, got a little close, eh?"
I stopped the dad and tried my best to explain that although I would not be happy if he had run me over in the parking lot, his whole life would be turned upside down if he killed a kid in the school parking lot simple because he thought driving 45 through there was a good way to save a few minutes in the morning routine. And I only called him a "dumb ass" once!
I am not sure he got it. But I guarantee I'll be watching out for him to do some stupid crap like that again. I was still pissed and his kid was now late for class, so I decided to let it go.
As I was hopping in my car I heard the tell-tale crunch of sheet metal meeting harder metal. Nice! Luckily the parking lot was empty when a stupid prick decided to back out without looking and she rammed her Honda into a big steel basketball pole that sits in the middle of the parking lot.
Nice! Why don't you look before backing up, dumb ass...
Yes, the basketball pole is in the middle of the parking lot. But it has been there for years. And by the scratches along the pole it has withstood a lot of cars bouncing off of it. Actually, last year someone knocked the pole and backboard down. That must have been a helluva hit from a big ass SUV. But I was thrilled that the church who owns the parking lot put the goal back in place a few days later. And they used MORE concrete this time. So I doubt it will fall soon...
To summarize, no kids were harmed in the making of the parking lot fiasco this morning. But I figure at this rate the dumb asses will win and someone will kill a kid before semester break. So from now on, save the driving like a complete moron for the highways. Let the kids get to school without fearing for their lives, OK?
You do that and I will stop calling you a "dumb ass".
Deal?
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
It's been a long time
For the past month or so I have really enjoyed torturing the wife with 12 little words.
No! Not "Hey honey, hold on to my beer and watch me try this..." something that strikes fear much deeper in her heart: "It's been a long time since we've been to the Emergency Room."
The woman doubles up in fear and panic every time she hears these words. Kind of like when she heard herself say "I do" about 14 years ago.
No! Not "Hey honey, hold on to my beer and watch me try this..." something that strikes fear much deeper in her heart: "It's been a long time since we've been to the Emergency Room."
The woman doubles up in fear and panic every time she hears these words. Kind of like when she heard herself say "I do" about 14 years ago.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Keeping Austin Weird!
For the record, I haven't had much to post over here, or on any other blog, lately. Hoping something great pops up soon...
I was driving downtown last night for a meeting. Since I don't get down there very often, I decided to cruise through the University of Texas area to check out theco-eds scene along The Drag.
As I was passing the now shuttered Tower Theater/Tower Records/Folett's bookstore, I noticed a dude holding a cardboard sign. Nothing really unusual about that along The Drag. But I could not help but laugh when I read his sign:
Buy my new CD at myspace.com/sasquatchdave. Awesome! A hyper-linked panhandler's sign!
Anyways, as you can tell, advertising worked. I memorized his user name and checked out out his myspace page.
Just a little proof that Austin really is a music town.
I was driving downtown last night for a meeting. Since I don't get down there very often, I decided to cruise through the University of Texas area to check out the
As I was passing the now shuttered Tower Theater/Tower Records/Folett's bookstore, I noticed a dude holding a cardboard sign. Nothing really unusual about that along The Drag. But I could not help but laugh when I read his sign:
Buy my new CD at myspace.com/sasquatchdave. Awesome! A hyper-linked panhandler's sign!
Anyways, as you can tell, advertising worked. I memorized his user name and checked out out his myspace page.
Just a little proof that Austin really is a music town.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Went something like this...
Getting dressed for church, The Boss Lady and I both trying occupy the world's smallest bathroom counter:
Me: So when you are dead, I am free to date, right?
She: Why not.
Me: OK, so I assume I won't be dating any Playboy models. Maybe I should plan to settle for a Tupperware model.
She: That is bloggable...
Me: Get out of my way, woman, I have to blog!
She: Clean up the bathroom after you are done.
You gotta plan for your future, guys.
Me: So when you are dead, I am free to date, right?
She: Why not.
Me: OK, so I assume I won't be dating any Playboy models. Maybe I should plan to settle for a Tupperware model.
She: That is bloggable...
Me: Get out of my way, woman, I have to blog!
She: Clean up the bathroom after you are done.
You gotta plan for your future, guys.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
A two for one for Terri
I have a deal for you. Kodak the Great Pyrenees dog AND firemen. Lots of firemen.
If the off duty fire dudes would ever show up to work on this half built fence, then someone has to be here to keep Kodak contained.
Kodak is nice and clean. And you can have some Dublin Dr Peppers while you are here.
But of course, unless something goes horribly wrong with the fence, all of the on site firefighters are out of uniform.
And I'll pay you double if you can make my neighbor cry.
If the off duty fire dudes would ever show up to work on this half built fence, then someone has to be here to keep Kodak contained.
Kodak is nice and clean. And you can have some Dublin Dr Peppers while you are here.
But of course, unless something goes horribly wrong with the fence, all of the on site firefighters are out of uniform.
And I'll pay you double if you can make my neighbor cry.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
I bet someone ends up with a bad taste in his mouth.,,
It sure has been a long time. But, sadly, I just haven't seen anything memorable enough to laugh/whine/bitch/blog about over here in a while. Until tonight!
Leaving Costco, two frat boys just about pushed the family out of the way to get to the parking lot. Their haul? 10 cartons of Camel Lights, 2 gallons of Pine-Sol and a 24 pack of Pepsi.
I guess they were just in a hurry to get back to the Dumbda-Dumbda-Dumbda House to get some pledges warmed up for long night of something...
Leaving Costco, two frat boys just about pushed the family out of the way to get to the parking lot. Their haul? 10 cartons of Camel Lights, 2 gallons of Pine-Sol and a 24 pack of Pepsi.
I guess they were just in a hurry to get back to the Dumbda-Dumbda-Dumbda House to get some pledges warmed up for long night of something...
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Think this guy listen to a lot of Hagee sermons?
Back in August I posted a John Hagee rant about stay at homers.
Now we have dude in a bowling shirt ripping on stay at home dads. I don't really care what this guy's name is. Just glad to know that he and Hagee can both climb into that bowling shirt and make beautiful zealot naughtiness together.
Now we have dude in a bowling shirt ripping on stay at home dads. I don't really care what this guy's name is. Just glad to know that he and Hagee can both climb into that bowling shirt and make beautiful zealot naughtiness together.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Let the fence wars begin
Our house is on the closed end of a cul de sac. At the apex of the circle, where a few more houses normally would be situated, we have back fences for several houses up on a hill, that face a street a couple of blocks away.
One of the families has put in a back gate, so that their kids can come down the hill to play on our street. Though I was not thrilled a few years ago when they put the gate in, because I didn't want everyone in town knowing what a nice, quiet street we have, in reality it has been nice. The kids can cruise through the back gate and switch from their backyard to ours without facing off with car traffic.
But the house next to them is a rental property and it needs a fence bad. Not only is the fence ugly, it is supposed to be enclosing two dogs who are not friendly to other dogs or children. The renter told me herself that her dogs are not nice and cannot be near other dogs. I assume they do not like kids by the loud growling when we try to play on the street.
I sent the home owner a letter yesterday. Hopefully she will get the fence replaced soon. Until then the kids can't play baseball or ride bikes in the street.
Yeah, nice, no? And this is after I used every scrap board I could scrounge up to cover the largest holes.
The home owner last year rented to a dude with three pit bulls. Luckily for the neighborhood, he skipped out on the lease and left her house within a couple of months. So I don't expect this to go smoothly. She knows the shape of the fence and yard, and she still rents to people with dogs.
One of the families has put in a back gate, so that their kids can come down the hill to play on our street. Though I was not thrilled a few years ago when they put the gate in, because I didn't want everyone in town knowing what a nice, quiet street we have, in reality it has been nice. The kids can cruise through the back gate and switch from their backyard to ours without facing off with car traffic.
But the house next to them is a rental property and it needs a fence bad. Not only is the fence ugly, it is supposed to be enclosing two dogs who are not friendly to other dogs or children. The renter told me herself that her dogs are not nice and cannot be near other dogs. I assume they do not like kids by the loud growling when we try to play on the street.
I sent the home owner a letter yesterday. Hopefully she will get the fence replaced soon. Until then the kids can't play baseball or ride bikes in the street.
Yeah, nice, no? And this is after I used every scrap board I could scrounge up to cover the largest holes.
The home owner last year rented to a dude with three pit bulls. Luckily for the neighborhood, he skipped out on the lease and left her house within a couple of months. So I don't expect this to go smoothly. She knows the shape of the fence and yard, and she still rents to people with dogs.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
That isn't nice, John.
A fellow University of North Texas alumni telling everyone I am going to hell? That just isn't very nice.
I saw this first over on the athomedad.org forums. John Hagee has decided Stay at Home Dads are hell bound. Of course he also blamed Hurricane Katrina on gays. Since he was wrong back then, surely he is bound to be right eventually, right?
Worse than an infidel? Mr. Mom? Ouch.
For the record, I really don't want to go to hell and have to pull up to the dinner table with pious idiots like Hagee and Robert Tilton (even though I don't know that Tilton ever railed against SAHDs specifically). But I don't want a job, either.
So I am torn. (Or should I say, ripped?)
I saw this first over on the athomedad.org forums. John Hagee has decided Stay at Home Dads are hell bound. Of course he also blamed Hurricane Katrina on gays. Since he was wrong back then, surely he is bound to be right eventually, right?
Worse than an infidel? Mr. Mom? Ouch.
For the record, I really don't want to go to hell and have to pull up to the dinner table with pious idiots like Hagee and Robert Tilton (even though I don't know that Tilton ever railed against SAHDs specifically). But I don't want a job, either.
So I am torn. (Or should I say, ripped?)
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
You'll never guess
OK, so we were driving about three blocks from the State Mental Health Hospital. So I am not quiet as surprised if I had see him at the state capitol. Or just about anywhere else.
It was about 95 degrees out there today. Dude, wearing pair of blue jeans, motorcycle boots, a multi-colored pancho for a shirt and a...
Are you ready for this?
Might want to swallow your Dr Pepper, now.
OK, ready?
Dude might have weighted a hundred and five pounds and he was at least 6 feet tall.
Ready for it?
He had on mirrored sunglasses, too.
And I was already noticing the fabulousness of the outfit when I noticed the CODPIECE!
A black leather codpiece strapped right over his...
blue jeans.
Yep, I loves this city!
It was about 95 degrees out there today. Dude, wearing pair of blue jeans, motorcycle boots, a multi-colored pancho for a shirt and a...
Are you ready for this?
Might want to swallow your Dr Pepper, now.
OK, ready?
Dude might have weighted a hundred and five pounds and he was at least 6 feet tall.
Ready for it?
He had on mirrored sunglasses, too.
And I was already noticing the fabulousness of the outfit when I noticed the CODPIECE!
A black leather codpiece strapped right over his...
blue jeans.
Yep, I loves this city!
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Still alive and bitching
Just haven't been around here much lately.
Didn't want you to think that things were rolling along TOO smoothly for me, just nothing blog-worthy lately.
Didn't want you to think that things were rolling along TOO smoothly for me, just nothing blog-worthy lately.
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