It's not what you think

Girl Scout cookies are here again! Which means I am about to lose $100 and gain 20 pounds.

But I am also a hoarder. Found these in the freezer tonight. Should hold me over until my dealer, err neighbor Scout stops by this weekend.

If you are still here, you need a hobby!

I am catching up on some blog reading today.  Beacause I have paperwork that I SHOULD be doing.

A few weeks ago I had an experience that deserves to be posted here.  It proves that I am still capable of putting the Daddy in ADHDaddy.

The Boss Lady found a good deal on gasoline at a local grocery store.  11 cents off of each gallon that you buy with one of their store prepaid "gift" cards was too good to pass up.  She bought $300 worth of cards, to keep our cars fueled up for the month.  I used the card for my car 1 time.  Once.  I topped off with $20 worth of gas since I don't pass the grocery store very often.

A few days later I decided to get all of the trash out of the passenger's floorboard of my car as I was walking into the school.  Evidently the gift card was in the pile and I didn't realize it for a few days.  Yep, I threw away $130.  Nice!  I checked the trashcan every time I walked by it for two days, but our custodians are top notch.

Last week I was finally getting around to helping with the laundry mountain.  As I picked up a load of work clothes to haul them to the washer, there on the  floor, where the pile had been was the  "thrown away" gift card.  I took it right then a gassed up both cars.  I spent that sucker as quick as I could, so that I wouldn't lose it again.

Just call me Rick

I need to post this picture on a yahoo group list, so I am sticking it here so that I can link to it.

Now you know.

Been a while

I have been doing my bitching and groaning in person throughout the Spring and early part of the summer. So sorry you missed out on all of that.

My current hate, besides the heat of a dry summer and the fact that The Boss Lady's summer break ends in a couple of days? Netflix DVDs that force you to watch the previews. The last few discs we received were programmed so that you could not fast forward though the previews to navigate to the main menu. Tonight's feature presentation Sherlock Holmes is no exception to this incredibly annoying trend.

Technically they aren't forcing me to WATCH the previews, they just aren't letting me skip them. I turn off the TV while the DVD player does it's thing and I'll go back to the movie later, when I can access the main navigation screen.

Life must be going pretty well if this is the biggest complaint I can bring tonight.

Just for the record, this DVD had somewhere near 13 minutes of previews. That I did not watch,

We are all skrewed

A screen grab from a facebook page dedicated to fighting cuts in the State funding of public education...



It has been a long time since I have been over here, but this was too good to pass up. I had to post it somewhere.

Overheard today

(and it wasn't about one of my students OR about me.)

"That boy don't know which end is up on his own a$$hole."

Thanks to my lovely bride for that jewel.

Tacky News

I am pretty sure I am old now. I just sent a complaint email to one of our local news stations.

They were covering a story about a family rocked by a tragedy this morning. During the coverage they included a couple of really tacky and distasteful bits of video coverage from the scene of drowning of a dad who jumped into the river to pull out his kids who had fallen in the water.

First came the shot of the EMS workers frantically working on a man who would soon be declared dead. I really doubt if any family want that last, tragic moment broadcast for the world? Then the real kicker. they showed a short clip of the kids, not more than 5 or 6 years old, standing off to the side of the chaos and crying their eyes out. It was tasteless.

I sent a short email and got a polite response pretty quickly. That is good, I guess. But still... I know this was real life and the sad occurrence is news worthy. But grow some class when you are picking the video to air, 'kay?

Whoever said

that babies would eventually cry themselves to sleep never met The Little Dude.

Fed? Check.

Clean diaper? Check.

Burped? Mostly.

Spit the rest up? All over me. Check.

Laying with a blanket did the trick? Nope.

Walking the hood surely did, right? Hah! 2 miles. He can cry through that without even breaking a sweat!

He was winding down when the cable installer working next door rang the doorbell. Like I needed another reason to hate the cable Co! Now I have him sitting up,in his baby carrier, watching a ceiling fan.

It isn't working.

But it is something, right? Yep.

To the jackhole in the Honda minivan

Yeah, my kids and I WERE walking right the hell behind you when you threw the minivan into reverse in the school parking lot.

And double yeah, I did knock the shit outta the back end of your car, right next to the brand new, paper dealer's tags.. And I dropped the F Bomb where your kids could hear. So the hell what? Want to learn to drive that damn thing now that you bought it?

'Cause you are single-handedly giving all of the idiot minivan drivers a bad name, you careless shithead.

Wow, these spammers really know me!

I just got this email in my spam box.

Congratulations on your Nomination to Distinguished Professionals!

M,

Congratulations!

It is my pleasure to inform you that on January 15th, 2009 your professional information was reviewed and accepted for inclusion in the 2010 edition of our Distinguished Professionals Hardcover Publication.

Distinguished Professionals recognizes and selects key executives & professionals in all disciplines and industries for outstanding business achievements.

This recognition is shared by those who have reached the highest level of success in their chosen profession.

Please take a moment to complete the invitation by clicking on the link below.

Wow! Who knew I was such a distinguished stay at home dad? All you working stiffs are welcome to come over and bask in my greatness.

The history of an economic collapse, maybe...

I just received a notice in the mail, advertising closeout deals at our nearby Saturn dealership. No big surprise, since we have bought two cars there in the last 4 years.

But I just had to laugh out loud at their tag line, "Own a Piece of History". Seems like one last, pretentious blurb from an already too pretentious car line that never lived up to it's potential...

"Just put that anywhere..."

It's an old joke that I yell out anytime I hear the great crash of plates and dishes come from a restaurant kitchen.

Here is another good joke.

Want to know what happens when a 6 pack of Shiner Bock comes rolling out of the 'fridge and meets the concrete floors in my kitchen? Beer Flood!

The house now smells like a mix of generic Lysol, good beer and Swiffer wets. Good times! And don't forget to wear shoes when you go in the kitchen.

3 days until payday

And we are out of margarita mix, limes AND tequila.

C'Mon Friday!

Why Moms are better than Dads.

They have this. Which is definitely NOT safe for work, church, toddlers or the elderly...



And we got this. Which is just painful, really.



Of course, we have this one, too. Which is better. But you could watch with your grandma during a Bible study.





The Mommy video needed a warning. How cool is that?

Girls rule the internetz.

I must have a magic ass

I swear (I really do. You should hear me when the lawn mower won't start...) my rear end must be wired into the telephone system somehow.

For the second time today, just as my butt was hitting the couch for a couple of minutes of reading, the phone rang. I am starting to wonder if someone is watching me through the windows and making the phones ring when my seat finally finds a seat.

Once more, with FEELING, dumb ass!

I have blogged elsewhere about the way the idiots drive near my kid's school. Of course, that was two years ago and things change, right?

Yeah. not so much.

People, I cannot stress this enough... Don't drive like a stupid bastard around a school!

This morning, after I had safely deposited my kids at their classes, I was heading out to the car when I was dang near run over by a parent who was running late. All I got out of the Toyota driving tool was "Oh, sorry, got a little close, eh?"

I stopped the dad and tried my best to explain that although I would not be happy if he had run me over in the parking lot, his whole life would be turned upside down if he killed a kid in the school parking lot simple because he thought driving 45 through there was a good way to save a few minutes in the morning routine. And I only called him a "dumb ass" once!

I am not sure he got it. But I guarantee I'll be watching out for him to do some stupid crap like that again. I was still pissed and his kid was now late for class, so I decided to let it go.

As I was hopping in my car I heard the tell-tale crunch of sheet metal meeting harder metal. Nice! Luckily the parking lot was empty when a stupid prick decided to back out without looking and she rammed her Honda into a big steel basketball pole that sits in the middle of the parking lot.

Nice! Why don't you look before backing up, dumb ass...

Yes, the basketball pole is in the middle of the parking lot. But it has been there for years. And by the scratches along the pole it has withstood a lot of cars bouncing off of it. Actually, last year someone knocked the pole and backboard down. That must have been a helluva hit from a big ass SUV. But I was thrilled that the church who owns the parking lot put the goal back in place a few days later. And they used MORE concrete this time. So I doubt it will fall soon...

To summarize, no kids were harmed in the making of the parking lot fiasco this morning. But I figure at this rate the dumb asses will win and someone will kill a kid before semester break. So from now on, save the driving like a complete moron for the highways. Let the kids get to school without fearing for their lives, OK?

You do that and I will stop calling you a "dumb ass".

Deal?

It's been a long time

For the past month or so I have really enjoyed torturing the wife with 12 little words.

No! Not "Hey honey, hold on to my beer and watch me try this..." something that strikes fear much deeper in her heart: "It's been a long time since we've been to the Emergency Room."

The woman doubles up in fear and panic every time she hears these words. Kind of like when she heard herself say "I do" about 14 years ago.

Keeping Austin Weird!

For the record, I haven't had much to post over here, or on any other blog, lately. Hoping something great pops up soon...

I was driving downtown last night for a meeting. Since I don't get down there very often, I decided to cruise through the University of Texas area to check out the co-eds scene along The Drag.

As I was passing the now shuttered Tower Theater/Tower Records/Folett's bookstore, I noticed a dude holding a cardboard sign. Nothing really unusual about that along The Drag. But I could not help but laugh when I read his sign:

Buy my new CD at myspace.com/sasquatchdave. Awesome! A hyper-linked panhandler's sign!

Anyways, as you can tell, advertising worked. I memorized his user name and checked out out his myspace page.

Just a little proof that Austin really is a music town.

Went something like this...

Getting dressed for church, The Boss Lady and I both trying occupy the world's smallest bathroom counter:

Me: So when you are dead, I am free to date, right?
She: Why not.

Me: OK, so I assume I won't be dating any Playboy models. Maybe I should plan to settle for a Tupperware model.
She: That is bloggable...

Me: Get out of my way, woman, I have to blog!
She: Clean up the bathroom after you are done.

You gotta plan for your future, guys.

Nice!

You will have to click through to get the whole story...