ADHDaddy

It's not what you think

2012-01-18T18:44:00.001-08:00

Girl Scout cookies are here again! Which means I am about to lose $100 and gain 20 pounds.

But I am also a hoarder. Found these in the freezer tonight. Should hold me over until my dealer, err neighbor Scout stops by this weekend.

If you are still here, you need a hobby!

2011-10-30T10:20:00.000-07:00

I am catching up on some blog reading today. Beacause I have paperwork that I SHOULD be doing.

A few weeks ago I had an experience that deserves to be posted here. It proves that I am still capable of putting the Daddy in ADHDaddy.

The Boss Lady found a good deal on gasoline at a local grocery store. 11 cents off of each gallon that you buy with one of their store prepaid "gift" cards was too good to pass up. She bought $300 worth of cards, to keep our cars fueled up for the month. I used the card for my car 1 time. Once. I topped off with $20 worth of gas since I don't pass the grocery store very often.

A few days later I decided to get all of the trash out of the passenger's floorboard of my car as I was walking into the school. Evidently the gift card was in the pile and I didn't realize it for a few days. Yep, I threw away $130. Nice! I checked the trashcan every time I walked by it for two days, but our custodians are top notch.

Last week I was finally getting around to helping with the laundry mountain. As I picked up a load of work clothes to haul them to the washer, there on the floor, where the pile had been was the "thrown away" gift card. I took it right then a gassed up both cars. I spent that sucker as quick as I could, so that I wouldn't lose it again.

Just call me Rick

2011-07-10T12:39:00.000-07:00

I need to post this picture on a yahoo group list, so I am sticking it here so that I can link to it.

Now you know.

Been a while

2011-07-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

I have been doing my bitching and groaning in person throughout the Spring and early part of the summer. So sorry you missed out on all of that.

My current hate, besides the heat of a dry summer and the fact that The Boss Lady's summer break ends in a couple of days? Netflix DVDs that force you to watch the previews. The last few discs we received were programmed so that you could not fast forward though the previews to navigate to the main menu. Tonight's feature presentation Sherlock Holmes is no exception to this incredibly annoying trend.

Technically they aren't forcing me to WATCH the previews, they just aren't letting me skip them. I turn off the TV while the DVD player does it's thing and I'll go back to the movie later, when I can access the main navigation screen.

Life must be going pretty well if this is the biggest complaint I can bring tonight.

Just for the record, this DVD had somewhere near 13 minutes of previews. That I did not watch,

We are all skrewed

2011-02-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

A screen grab from a facebook page dedicated to fighting cuts in the State funding of public education...

It has been a long time since I have been over here, but this was too good to pass up. I had to post it somewhere.

Overheard today

2010-09-07T15:18:00.000-07:00

(and it wasn't about one of my students OR about me.)

"That boy don't know which end is up on his own a$$hole."

Thanks to my lovely bride for that jewel.

Tacky News

2010-07-06T09:54:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure I am old now. I just sent a complaint email to one of our local news stations.

They were covering a story about a family rocked by a tragedy this morning. During the coverage they included a couple of really tacky and distasteful bits of video coverage from the scene of drowning of a dad who jumped into the river to pull out his kids who had fallen in the water.

First came the shot of the EMS workers frantically working on a man who would soon be declared dead. I really doubt if any family want that last, tragic moment broadcast for the world? Then the real kicker. they showed a short clip of the kids, not more than 5 or 6 years old, standing off to the side of the chaos and crying their eyes out. It was tasteless.

I sent a short email and got a polite response pretty quickly. That is good, I guess. But still... I know this was real life and the sad occurrence is news worthy. But grow some class when you are picking the video to air, 'kay?

Whoever said

2010-03-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

that babies would eventually cry themselves to sleep never met The Little Dude.

Fed? Check.

Clean diaper? Check.

Burped? Mostly.

Spit the rest up? All over me. Check.

Laying with a blanket did the trick? Nope.

Walking the hood surely did, right? Hah! 2 miles. He can cry through that without even breaking a sweat!

He was winding down when the cable installer working next door rang the doorbell. Like I needed another reason to hate the cable Co! Now I have him sitting up,in his baby carrier, watching a ceiling fan.

It isn't working.

But it is something, right? Yep.

To the jackhole in the Honda minivan

2010-02-10T07:43:00.001-08:00

Yeah, my kids and I WERE walking right the hell behind you when you threw the minivan into reverse in the school parking lot.

And double yeah, I did knock the shit outta the back end of your car, right next to the brand new, paper dealer's tags.. And I dropped the F Bomb where your kids could hear. So the hell what? Want to learn to drive that damn thing now that you bought it?

'Cause you are single-handedly giving all of the idiot minivan drivers a bad name, you careless shithead.

Wow, these spammers really know me!

2010-01-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

I just got this email in my spam box.

Congratulations on your Nomination to Distinguished Professionals!

M,

Congratulations!

It is my pleasure to inform you that on January 15th, 2009 your professional information was reviewed and accepted for inclusion in the 2010 edition of our Distinguished Professionals Hardcover Publication.

Distinguished Professionals recognizes and selects key executives & professionals in all disciplines and industries for outstanding business achievements.

This recognition is shared by those who have reached the highest level of success in their chosen profession.

Please take a moment to complete the invitation by clicking on the link below.

Wow! Who knew I was such a distinguished stay at home dad? All you working stiffs are welcome to come over and bask in my greatness.

The history of an economic collapse, maybe...

2009-11-18T10:51:00.001-08:00

I just received a notice in the mail, advertising closeout deals at our nearby Saturn dealership. No big surprise, since we have bought two cars there in the last 4 years.

But I just had to laugh out loud at their tag line, "Own a Piece of History". Seems like one last, pretentious blurb from an already too pretentious car line that never lived up to it's potential...

"Just put that anywhere..."

2009-11-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

It's an old joke that I yell out anytime I hear the great crash of plates and dishes come from a restaurant kitchen.

Here is another good joke.

Want to know what happens when a 6 pack of Shiner Bock comes rolling out of the 'fridge and meets the concrete floors in my kitchen? Beer Flood!

The house now smells like a mix of generic Lysol, good beer and Swiffer wets. Good times! And don't forget to wear shoes when you go in the kitchen.

3 days until payday

2009-10-20T04:37:00.000-07:00

And we are out of margarita mix, limes AND tequila.

C'Mon Friday!

2009-10-16T04:30:00.000-07:00

Why Moms are better than Dads.

They have this. Which is definitely NOT safe for work, church, toddlers or the elderly...

And we got this. Which is just painful, really.

Of course, we have this one, too. Which is better. But you could watch with your grandma during a Bible study.

The Mommy video needed a warning. How cool is that?

Girls rule the internetz.

I must have a magic ass

2009-10-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

I swear (I really do. You should hear me when the lawn mower won't start...) my rear end must be wired into the telephone system somehow.

For the second time today, just as my butt was hitting the couch for a couple of minutes of reading, the phone rang. I am starting to wonder if someone is watching me through the windows and making the phones ring when my seat finally finds a seat.

Once more, with FEELING, dumb ass!

2009-09-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

I have blogged elsewhere about the way the idiots drive near my kid's school. Of course, that was two years ago and things change, right?

Yeah. not so much.

People, I cannot stress this enough... Don't drive like a stupid bastard around a school!

This morning, after I had safely deposited my kids at their classes, I was heading out to the car when I was dang near run over by a parent who was running late. All I got out of the Toyota driving tool was "Oh, sorry, got a little close, eh?"

I stopped the dad and tried my best to explain that although I would not be happy if he had run me over in the parking lot, his whole life would be turned upside down if he killed a kid in the school parking lot simple because he thought driving 45 through there was a good way to save a few minutes in the morning routine. And I only called him a "dumb ass" once!

I am not sure he got it. But I guarantee I'll be watching out for him to do some stupid crap like that again. I was still pissed and his kid was now late for class, so I decided to let it go.

As I was hopping in my car I heard the tell-tale crunch of sheet metal meeting harder metal. Nice! Luckily the parking lot was empty when a stupid prick decided to back out without looking and she rammed her Honda into a big steel basketball pole that sits in the middle of the parking lot.

Nice! Why don't you look before backing up, dumb ass...

Yes, the basketball pole is in the middle of the parking lot. But it has been there for years. And by the scratches along the pole it has withstood a lot of cars bouncing off of it. Actually, last year someone knocked the pole and backboard down. That must have been a helluva hit from a big ass SUV. But I was thrilled that the church who owns the parking lot put the goal back in place a few days later. And they used MORE concrete this time. So I doubt it will fall soon...

To summarize, no kids were harmed in the making of the parking lot fiasco this morning. But I figure at this rate the dumb asses will win and someone will kill a kid before semester break. So from now on, save the driving like a complete moron for the highways. Let the kids get to school without fearing for their lives, OK?

You do that and I will stop calling you a "dumb ass".

Deal?

It's been a long time

2009-09-01T17:15:00.000-07:00

For the past month or so I have really enjoyed torturing the wife with 12 little words.

No! Not "Hey honey, hold on to my beer and watch me try this..." something that strikes fear much deeper in her heart: "It's been a long time since we've been to the Emergency Room."

The woman doubles up in fear and panic every time she hears these words. Kind of like when she heard herself say "I do" about 14 years ago.

Keeping Austin Weird!

2009-07-15T07:58:00.000-07:00

For the record, I haven't had much to post over here, or on any other blog, lately. Hoping something great pops up soon...

I was driving downtown last night for a meeting. Since I don't get down there very often, I decided to cruise through the University of Texas area to check out the ~~co-eds~~ scene along The Drag.

As I was passing the now shuttered Tower Theater/Tower Records/Folett's bookstore, I noticed a dude holding a cardboard sign. Nothing really unusual about that along The Drag. But I could not help but laugh when I read his sign:

Buy my new CD at myspace.com/sasquatchdave. Awesome! A hyper-linked panhandler's sign!

Anyways, as you can tell, advertising worked. I memorized his user name and checked out out his myspace page.

Just a little proof that Austin really is a music town.

Went something like this...

2009-05-03T05:58:00.000-07:00

Getting dressed for church, The Boss Lady and I both trying occupy the world's smallest bathroom counter:

Me: So when you are dead, I am free to date, right?
She: Why not.

Me: OK, so I assume I won't be dating any Playboy models. Maybe I should plan to settle for a Tupperware model.
She: That is bloggable...

Me: Get out of my way, woman, I have to blog!
She: Clean up the bathroom after you are done.

You gotta plan for your future, guys.

Nice!

2009-03-24T17:51:00.000-07:00

You will have to click through to get the whole story...

A two for one for Terri

2009-01-29T06:22:00.000-08:00

I have a deal for you. Kodak the Great Pyrenees dog AND firemen. Lots of firemen.

If the off duty fire dudes would ever show up to work on this half built fence, then someone has to be here to keep Kodak contained.

Kodak is nice and clean. And you can have some Dublin Dr Peppers while you are here.

But of course, unless something goes horribly wrong with the fence, all of the on site firefighters are out of uniform.

And I'll pay you double if you can make my neighbor cry.

I bet someone ends up with a bad taste in his mouth.,,

2008-12-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

It sure has been a long time. But, sadly, I just haven't seen anything memorable enough to laugh/whine/bitch/blog about over here in a while. Until tonight!

Leaving Costco, two frat boys just about pushed the family out of the way to get to the parking lot. Their haul? 10 cartons of Camel Lights, 2 gallons of Pine-Sol and a 24 pack of Pepsi.

I guess they were just in a hurry to get back to the Dumbda-Dumbda-Dumbda House to get some pledges warmed up for long night of something...

Think this guy listen to a lot of Hagee sermons?

2008-10-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

Back in August I posted a John Hagee rant about stay at homers.

Now we have dude in a bowling shirt ripping on stay at home dads. I don't really care what this guy's name is. Just glad to know that he and Hagee can both climb into that bowling shirt and make beautiful zealot naughtiness together.

Let the fence wars begin

2008-09-28T14:14:00.001-07:00

Our house is on the closed end of a cul de sac. At the apex of the circle, where a few more houses normally would be situated, we have back fences for several houses up on a hill, that face a street a couple of blocks away.

One of the families has put in a back gate, so that their kids can come down the hill to play on our street. Though I was not thrilled a few years ago when they put the gate in, because I didn't want everyone in town knowing what a nice, quiet street we have, in reality it has been nice. The kids can cruise through the back gate and switch from their backyard to ours without facing off with car traffic.

But the house next to them is a rental property and it needs a fence bad. Not only is the fence ugly, it is supposed to be enclosing two dogs who are not friendly to other dogs or children. The renter told me herself that her dogs are not nice and cannot be near other dogs. I assume they do not like kids by the loud growling when we try to play on the street.

I sent the home owner a letter yesterday. Hopefully she will get the fence replaced soon. Until then the kids can't play baseball or ride bikes in the street.

Yeah, nice, no? And this is after I used every scrap board I could scrounge up to cover the largest holes.

The home owner last year rented to a dude with three pit bulls. Luckily for the neighborhood, he skipped out on the lease and left her house within a couple of months. So I don't expect this to go smoothly. She knows the shape of the fence and yard, and she still rents to people with dogs.

That isn't nice, John.

2008-08-23T14:55:00.001-07:00

A fellow University of North Texas alumni telling everyone I am going to hell? That just isn't very nice.

I saw this first over on the athomedad.org forums. John Hagee has decided Stay at Home Dads are hell bound. Of course he also blamed Hurricane Katrina on gays. Since he was wrong back then, surely he is bound to be right eventually, right?

Worse than an infidel? Mr. Mom? Ouch.

For the record, I really don't want to go to hell and have to pull up to the dinner table with pious idiots like Hagee and Robert Tilton (even though I don't know that Tilton ever railed against SAHDs specifically). But I don't want a job, either.

So I am torn. (Or should I say, ripped?)

You'll never guess

2008-08-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

OK, so we were driving about three blocks from the State Mental Health Hospital. So I am not quiet as surprised if I had see him at the state capitol. Or just about anywhere else.

It was about 95 degrees out there today. Dude, wearing pair of blue jeans, motorcycle boots, a multi-colored pancho for a shirt and a...

Are you ready for this?

Might want to swallow your Dr Pepper, now.

OK, ready?

Dude might have weighted a hundred and five pounds and he was at least 6 feet tall.

Ready for it?

He had on mirrored sunglasses, too.

And I was already noticing the fabulousness of the outfit when I noticed the CODPIECE!

A black leather codpiece strapped right over his...

blue jeans.

Yep, I loves this city!

Still alive and bitching

2008-08-05T19:40:00.000-07:00

Just haven't been around here much lately.

Didn't want you to think that things were rolling along TOO smoothly for me, just nothing blog-worthy lately.

Somebody is gonna be sore tomorrow!

2008-07-01T16:20:00.000-07:00

We ran to Costco for ice cream after we ate dinner out tonight. When The Talker and I were approaching the cash register with our extremely important gallon of frozen vanilla, an old woman just about elbowed me outta the way to get to the register first.

Her hurry? Getting checked out with her dozen or more bottles of wine and two boxes of rubber gloves. All I really want to know is, what the heck kind of kink is that old woman into?

On second thought, I don't really care to know. I'll just eat my ice cream and forget the whole ordeal.

If you can't laugh at yourself, laugh at the homeless guy

2008-05-16T05:46:00.001-07:00

I usually reserve this site for stuff that just bugs the heck out of me. Yesterday I saw something that did not bother me, it entertained me for the time I was waiting at a red light. But the story just doesn't fit over on AtHomeDaddy.

The Princess and I were sitting at a red light. And a panhandler/homeless guy was standing on the corner. At first he had a stack of old real estate signs and the business logos were showing. Then he started flipping them over, one at a time.

Lear Jet needs new upholstery. Social standing in jeopardy!

Why live in a $200,000 house when you can live under a $20,000,000 bridge?

Let's be honest. I like beer. '62 Dom is nice, too. But I am not picky.

Road Rage? Yell at a homeless guy for $.50 OBO.

I have never rolled down the window for these guys. But I gotta tell you, if The Princess had not been in the car, I would have slipped this guy a buck or two. No chance though, with the girl in the car.

NOW maybe the parents will learn to say...

2008-05-06T13:26:00.000-07:00

"Pick a different shirt today. OK, dude?"

Boy, 11, Takes Off Brett Favre Jersey After Wearing It Every Day Since 2003

Man, I wish I had a camera...

2008-04-03T11:14:00.000-07:00

I saw something today that makes me KNOW who I won't be using the next time we need a roof on our house. Of course, I doubt if any of these guys will live long enough to actually make it across town, so it is pretty much a no-brainer.

I was dropping the cousin off at her house. Her neighbors are getting a new roof. The house is one of those big ol' 2 story boxes. So the edge of the roof is what, 25 or 30 feet in the air or so?

These knuckleheads were using two extension ladders to get to the roof. So how do you use two extension ladders at the same time? Duct tape of course.

Yep, they were climbing up to the roof on two ladders DUCT TAPED together. Nice!

I hope the company has a good worker's comp program.

Edit: 4/8/08

OK, the crew was gone of course, but I drove past the house again today. AND I had a camera with me. So there you go...

A little redemption?

2008-03-06T10:13:00.000-08:00

I took my car into the dealership for an oil change this morning. At 7:45, 15 minutes after they unlocked the doors. I was pretty sure that we would be in an out in a half hour or less, since there were no other cars in line, and it looked like only one service agent was on duty.

When the service dude told me that it would be a 2 hour wait, since there were so many cars ahead of me and I did not have an appointment, I thought he was just joking around. Heck, they had not even turned on the lights in the service offices yet.

Once I realized he was not joking around, we hightailed it. As soon as I got home I called for the first available appointment. 10:30 would be fine, but the wait WITH an appointment? 2 hours. No joke.

WTFitty F? I thought the appointments would make things quicker.

We pulled back into the dealership a few minutes before our appointment time. The girl and I were loaded up with snacks and toys. We looked like we were moving in for the winter.

25 minutes later, Service Guy came to get me. the work was finished and we were out of there.

I did not bother to ask why the told me it would be a 2 hour wait. We just grabbed the keys and hit the road. In the end, I think I'll try to deal exclusively with Service Guy. Everyone else up there seems to be getting paid by the hour.

The hour they make people wait.

Let's hope he/she isn't a mommy/daddy

2008-02-29T06:15:00.000-08:00

I think I have a new nemesis. The slightly androgynous, but mostly female, bagger at the new grocery store. Two days in a row she has asked about The Princess.

Yesterday went something like this:
"How old is he? 10?"
"Who? HER? She is 3!"
"Wow, she is big. What grade is he in?"
"That is OK. I'll carry the groceries out myself."

Today's trip did not start off any closer to reality, even though The Princess was wearing enough pink to camouflage herself at a Victoria's Secret. You just can't see the pink pants, pink socks or pink and white shoes in this pic...

The carryout person started off strong, but wrong. "So he is 3, huh?"
"Yep. SHE is 3."
"Oh he is a girl?"
"No, it is fine. I can carry out my own groceries."

After this exchange, I am assuming this person at the store is an expert in confusing gender roles. Thus the dangling earrings and hiking boots he/she wears.

Strike two - Yer OUT!

2008-01-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

So the dealership should have delivered my car this morning. But I was still waiting on a call from them at 9:15. So we took the loaner car back to the dealership.

I did tell the service manager that they could help make things right by hooking me up with a free oil change or a detail job. He offered up two oil changes.

See what happens...

2008-01-04T05:43:00.000-08:00

I was all ready to abandon this blog. Then I took my car to the shop. No I will have fodder for this site for years.

The back story:

Wife comes in Wednesday and lets me know that the low coolant light is on in my new car. My Saturn Vue is 7 or 8 months old, but it only has 7300 miles on it. It has also had a problem with the ignition key and a couple of other minor things, so we ran up to the dealership, less than 2 miles away.

No problem there.

But all hell sorta broke loose when I went to pick the car up yesterday afternoon. The service writer called at 3 to say it was ready. The wife got in about 5 and we went straight to the dealership.

I wasn't very happy when I saw that some of the work the writer said had been done, was not noted on the service receipt. So I assume that work wasn't done. It wasn't a major deal, but don't lie about it.

Then it took them almost 30 minutes to deliver the car from the back lot. GRRRRRR.

When I hopped in to drive home, I made it less than halfway off of the dealership lot when the coolant light came on. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

The service manager dicked around with it in the driveway for a few minutes before he finally sent it back to a mechanic. 30 minutes later and they came to show me that they had accidentally sliced the wiring on the coolant sensor when they had installed a new coolant reservoir. So they were splicing the wires back together. And I would be out of there "in 10 minutes".

I told the service manager that I understood about the repair, but I wasn't happy. The car has 7300 miles on it. And now it has a patched wiring system. GRRRRR.

30 minutes later GRRRRRRRRRRRR! they offer me a loaner car. When I go to pick up the kid's car seats out of my car, they guy is rushing to finish the repair. I grab the car seats and pull up front again.

The service manager tells me he wants to test my car out in the morning and they will bring it to me to swap out cars. So I took the loaner car home. GRRRR.

ADHDaddy - nothing new to say

2008-01-02T13:16:00.000-08:00

But I am not going to retire this blog just yet. Mainly because I don't want you to have it.

I knew a SAHD who deleted his blog and blogger account. Within a day or two someone had taken his blog site name and URL listing. So those of us who did not know he had canned his blog thought he was suddenly linking to a little too much p()rn to be doing anyone much good.

So I won't delete this drivel, mainly because it gets a few hits once on a while. And I don't want someone else thinking that I have gone into the p()rn link referral bidness.

Anyways, I might need to come back to bitch later. That is the great thing about New Years. So many possibilities before us...

By the way, if you care to know, the new grocery store rules. The old ones can all suck it.

Grocery woes

2007-10-30T09:22:00.001-07:00

I am officially ready for our newest neighborhood grocery store to open. The girl and I needed to make a quick run this morning to our usual store. We hit the doors at the crack of 10:15 am. Yeah, early risers, we are.

Anyways, the store looked like a WalMart at 3 am. You know, pallets and carts of groceries blocking every aisle. It did not take me long to decide that this store isn't really needing my business today.

Still, I was not wanting to make another grocery run later today. So we compromised. I put back everything that was not essential. Milk, nanners, Dr Pepper. The rest of the stuff in my cart went into a pile in the middle of the cereal aisle. We did not really need the beer, chips, salsa or other goodies.

Cashier saw me and asked why I pulled everything out of the cart. Honesty is the best policy, right? So I told him "There is so much junk piled up back there that I don't really think it could make the store look any worse. Do you?" He wanted to get a manager for me to complain. I just wanted to get out of there before some of the crap they had piled up fell over on us and we were crushed under a mountain of Pringles.

First you get the money...

2007-10-06T05:27:00.000-07:00

So back in April, the third child was born. Err, bought. And since then I have been stocking up on a few games.

All but one or two have come from the used game store, including all of the favorites, Madden 07 football, Simpson's Road Rage and as of last night, Grand Theft Auto - Vice City.

I spent the entire night whooping up on street thugs, cops and hookers and stealing their cars and money. Good Times! And then I realized that this is a lot like an over the top and overly dramatic view of life on the preschool playground.

So the next kid that makes The Princess cry out there better watch himself.

Annoying Callers Redux

2007-09-12T05:17:00.001-07:00

More than a year ago we were getting calls from an unidentified 800 number. So I handled it like an adult. I just ignored the problem and eventually it went away.

This summer I have found a new phone nemesis. Identified on Caller ID as 18006787720W&A. The big problem? Besides the three or four calls a day, every @#$) day? They claim to be from a law firm but they are using one of those computerized phone dialing and answering services. So I hung up on them.

And now these jokers have ruined it for everyone. So pass the word. AtHomeDaddy will no longer accept computer generated phone calls. I won't talk to the computer or listen to the computer. I WILL hang up on the computer-caller, though.

And NEVER again will I answer an unidentified call. THAT'S why we HAVE caller ID in the first place, right.

I'm one step closer to the Father of the Year

2007-09-07T04:58:00.000-07:00

And this is the guy who put LOSER in closer...

Check this great dad out...

I wonder if they will let him eat his sack lunch outside.

A side note, is it always nice to see someone from my home county making something of himself. First Jessica Simpson, then Kelly Clarkson. Now Paul Scott Schmidtke. Keep reppin' for the home town, guys!

It may have been a rough start to the fall,

2007-09-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

but at least I am doing better than THIS GUY!

I wouldn't wear it, but I'll laugh for days if you do...

2007-08-24T13:44:00.000-07:00

Thanks Terry, for the great laughs today. Drive yourself over to Texas and get a sack lunch any time you want.

I wasted enough time laughing about this t-shirt that I just had to know where I could buy one if I were so inclined.

But just for the record, I don't laugh when I see those things hanging underneath a truck's rear bumper.

Dr. Not So Smart, I presume.

2007-08-23T10:00:00.001-07:00

This morning I got an message in my personal mail that I just really did not need to see before... well, ever.

For some reason I ended up on a group email that a Dr was sending out to some of his cohorts. He was discussing a recent surgery he had done and graciously provided some really disgusting pictures of the inside of some college student's ankle.

I wondered what the hell was going on, but I pretty quickly deleted the email and figured that was the end of my involvement in ankle reconstructions. As we were leaving for a play date, more than 20 email responses came from the others who were evidently supposed to get this email. So I fired off a quick email and I used the reply all function, just like these REAL Doctors had done.

Hi. i am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. Please remove my email address from further discussions on broken ankles, knees, or anything else that might give me the heebie jeebies.

And Dr Joe, Those pictures were a little too graphic for me before I have had a couple of cups of coffee, but thanks for sharing.

Thanks

If nothing else, maybe this guys buddies can razz him a little bit about the creepy guy who chimed in during the middle of their busted ankle email chat. And now, after we got home, I found that one of the Docs on the list responded directly to me, asking if I was the Mike that he knew.

So I replied to him.

I am a pretty popular guy. SO you may know me. But I don't think I know you. Still, will you give me a discount on surgery if I blow out my knee while playing backyard soccer with the kids?

Hopefully this guy will get a chuckle out of my response. But if he ever cuts into my knee, I don't want to see the pictures.

I caused it myself but that does not mean I won't whine about it...

2007-08-18T21:34:00.000-07:00

The downside to letting the kids listen to Radio Disney in the new car has become perfectly apparent today. The boy has been hearing promos for High School Musical 2 for months. And I decided that he could stay up late last night and watch the premier showing. Now I have had all those damn songs stuck in my head ALL DAY LONG.

The next person who asks "What Time Is It?" might get stabbed in the freaking head with a screwdriver. Got it?

That's right, Disney bitches, it's time to do some bodily harm for getting your catchy pop tunes all jammed up in my brain.

But the upside is Zac and his pals have given me a new reason to whine about life. So this blog must live on a while longer.

Time to let go?

2007-08-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

I think I am going to put this blog to bed. I'll decide soon. It looks like I have only made 25 or so posts over here since January 1st. Probably not enough to keep messing around with it. Sadly, I just don't seem to have a lot to bitch about lately.

Sucks, don't it?

What a nice pile

2007-07-02T07:28:00.000-07:00

Our neighborhood is getting a new a-hole. Or at least I assume we are, since a whole house full of 'em just moved out.

There are a couple of 5 bedroom houses up the street from us and a couple of genius landlords decided that it was as good idea to start renting them out to college kids. Now living in a college town is great. And I always loved working around the students. It kept me feeling young.

But our neighborhood is across town from the university. And it definitely isn't a party zone. In one of the houses, the parties were fairly manageable. We had a pact. If they were too loud, I yelled over the fence and they shut the hell up. It worked for us all. Even better that after one school year they had trashed the inside of the house, so the owner decided to boot those guys and re-hab the house for rental to families. Problem solved.

But in the other house, the jerks lived like you would assume a 5 bedroom house full of dudes would live. Loud parties, lots of trash, loose dogs and stray women all over the place... It was A LOT of fun to have those guys in the 'hood. Yeah, right. When we begged them to keep the noise down, they just got louder.

Now that house is trashed outside and I can't imagine the inside is any better. The junk-i-ness was compounded by the fact that the jerks stayed there for 3 years. They must have graduated last year, though. The parties did not seem to be as loud or to go all weekend anymore.

I was running around this morning and I saw a great thing, a mountain of trash and junk at the curb. They have all moved out! Now the whole neighborhood has a reason to party!

Sitting on yer ass makes yer back ouchie

2007-06-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

I spent the whole weekend being lazy and relaxing. Nice, huh? Well, during all of that couch time I must have tweaked my back, 'cause it hurts.

The only real physical work I did all weekend was a little tree trimming yesterday. But that was over in like 15 minutes. I did a little bit of laundry, too. But mainly I watched racing. Formula 1, Indy Cars, Drag Racing, NASCAR Cup and Busch series. I caught them all this weekend.

Maybe it was all the G Forces. Those Formula 1 cars pull some wicked Gs.

Uncle!

2007-05-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

Not one to air dirty laundry in public, today I feel like complaining about clean laundry...

I give up! I surrender. She wins.

Two weeks ago The Boss lady folded some laundry. That isn't a huge surprise. Nor do I have a problem with it. For goodness sakes, there is nothing I hate worse than folding and putting away the laundry. (Which are two steps of the same process, by the way.) But after the folded clothes sat in a chair in the living room for a week, I moved them out of the way. I just never got around to putting them away.

Finally they got pushed to the side of the living room for another week or so. As far as I was concerned, they could just live there. Have I ever told you how much I hate folding AND putting away the laundry...

Anyways, I gave up. The laundry is now put away. And I feel like such a quitter.

Of course, the couch is covered in clothes waiting to be folded, so I guess I won in the end.

Learn CPR. You might save your daughter's life.

2007-04-10T21:42:00.001-07:00

I am taking a quick break from the usual silliness and whining that inhabits my blog. Also, this is going up on all the blogs. Sorry for the repition, but it is the only important thing I've had to say in a long time.

Tonight we went to our first AAA minor league baseball game of the season. We were having a great time, hanging out on the left field berm. The kids were going crazy. And they cheered when an 8 or 10 year old girl near us caught a foul ball that the left fielder flipped up to the crowd.

Less than 5 minutes later that girl was unconscious and not breathing. We have no idea what happened. EMTs made it around pretty quickly. But not before the girl's dad had to start rescue breathing. She was out for several looooong minutes. Not just passed out from excitement, mind you. This was blue all over, motionless on the ground not breathing.

How scary is that? Your kid is having a great time and then a couple of minutes later she stops breathing.

When we left the park the girl was sitting upright with loads of attention coming at her from the Fire Fighters and Paramedics that had responded. Looks like she was lucky, She has a hero for a dad. Here's hoping I never have to be my daughter's breath.

So anyways, here is a quick online CPR reference. Please review it in case it has been a while since you took a class. Then please, please, PLEASE take a class to get more familiar with CPR procedures. Go here or go here to get help finding a class in your area. I'll be looking for a refresher course in the morning.

Modem move

2007-04-10T08:03:00.000-07:00

Since our desktop and the wife's laptop both use our wireless router for an internet connection, I moved the modem and router away from the computer cabinet a while back.

I did it for two reasons. One, we were out of power in the living room. Every outlet is filled and I am already running a power strip/surge protector for the computer system and entertainment center. The other reason, our phone line in the living room died and it cost more to replace the line than to install a wireless card into our desktop. So that is what I did. We already had the wireless router running for the wife's computer.

Anyways, I did not have a good spot for the router and modem, so they ended up plugged into a phone jack behind our bed. A neighbor convinced me yesterday that might not be the best place for it. He says the radio frequencies might not be good for you. So I moved everything to the kitchen yesterday.

I did not want the modem and router sitting on the kitchen counter, so I set them up inside one of our cabinets. I just had to drill a hole for the phone line to pass through. Seems like a good idea. Nothing under the bed and nothing cluttering up the kitchen either.

Of course, once I tried to log back into the system, our internet connection would not work. I had to deal with the tech service guys to get them to reset my password. I had already figured out that was the glitch.

Anyways, the guy reset my password easily enough. But when I tried to get off the phone after that he wanted to walk me through a bunch of other steps to ensure everything was set-up properly. I ended up spending more time on the phone convincing him, and eventually one of his supervisors that I was capable of setting up my own dang wireless network, than I did getting the problem taken care of.

Anyways, now that everything is running right again, I thought I would send out a gripe to the over-friendly tech support guys. Dude, just let it go. I'll be OK. I swear. And if not, you gave me a work order number and a callback number to get right to your desk just in case.

Thanks for the password reset. Can I have my half hour back now?

Maraka

2007-03-30T21:46:00.000-07:00

Funny stuff! Thanks to Cubicle Dad for posting it up.

I have a new arch enemy

2007-03-27T06:16:00.000-07:00

two of them, actually. Which is kind of nice. Now I have some guys to blame all of the world's problems on.

The morons who run the soccer league that The Talker is in are going to be the death of me. It wasn't too bad last year as a parent, but now I am the coach and I have to hear from these guys several times a week.

We are now a week into the season and they just sent out all new schedules. Seems they decided to change things up at the last minute. So I spent an hour making sense of their emails and trying to get good information out to the parents. Grrrrrr.

These geniuses say they don't want anyone coaching kids without a team shirt on, but they forgot to include adult sized shirts in their order. So I am still without a uniform that they require and supply. Guess I'll be the coach in the blue Hawaiian shirt all season.

The soccer brain trust did not even get the field OK'd until last Saturday morning. We ended up playing at a High School, on their marching band's practice field. Which is where we were supposed to play all along, but they did not know if the school would allow it or not this season. Can you say "Call the damn Principal and ask if we can use the field?"

Anyways, 7 more weeks to go, unless I kill the geniuses and end up dealing with a life sentence instead.

Well, that did not last long...

2007-03-08T17:27:00.000-08:00

I was blogging elsewhere about being nice to people. And then the cable company emailed me. And I just don't think is possible for me to be nice to them any more.

They have an underground line buried in our backyard. And I have to give them access to it when it needs repair or replacement, but they just have to go and be stupid about it all the damn time.

See, I sent this 2 weeks ago:

On Feb 7 Time Warner Service ran a new line for my neighbors service and left the wire laying on the grass. It has been laying in my grass for 19 days. I need to be contacted about when this wire will be buried, so that I can properly secure my yard and pets.

By the way, there will be no access to my yard for any work crews from March 8th - March 20th.

I got an instant email back, saying they would reply within 3 days. Who in the hell gives employees 3 days to respond to customer service emails? And now, two weeks later I get this:

Thank you for your customer service inquiry. I apologize for the delayed response and for any inconvenience this may have caused. I scheduled an appointment for the first available date in April. On Monday, April 2nd, between 8am-12pm a tech will be out to bury the line in your yard. Please give me a call or send me an email if this is not a convenient time...

Another month to wait? I fired off this:

What a crock. It has taken two weeks to get a response AND the cable has lay in my yard for 3 weeks BEFORE that! AND you can't get a crew out until April? I am glad I am no longer a customer, because this would be the end of our relationship!

Did I tell you I loves me some DirecTV?

I guess I made her laugh or made her mad, because I got another response almost instantly:

I scheduled the appointment for April because you stated you would not be available to provide access to your yard since you were going to be gone in March. I can schedule an earlier appointment if you will be available to secure your pets and make sure the technician has access. Please let me know when would be a convenient time for you.

So I decided that I had wasted enough time on this and fired off a last shot:

No thanks.

I am just highly annoyed that an email response took two weeks. This job could have, and should have, been finished for 5 weeks if the first tech had just done his job.

It would be nice if someone from the company actually took an interest in this and tried to keep it from happening again. But we are not customers, because of crap like this. I might send an email or two, but won't waste any more real time on it.

NTB - Next Time Bye

2007-03-04T15:50:00.000-08:00

Prepping for our road trip, I decided to take our car over to NTB, National Tire and Battery for a $24 rotate and balance of the tires.

There are two stores a few miles from here, one west a couple of exits down the freeway, and one south east less than five miles away. We have never done business with either store, so I stopped at the closer store because I am lazy. The store was closing in 95 minutes BUT if I wanted to wait, they "would get my car finished tonight".

I was a little curious why he said tonight, when it was only 4:25 in the afternoon. But being lazy I did not ask. I assumed he meant "we will get right on it, but it might take the full 95 minutes.."

He looked stunned when I said I wanted to wait while they did the rotation and balance this afternoon.

"Sir, It is going to take four or five hours to get to you...

What?

Yeah, we might not be done until 9:30 or so...

I don't think so, see you later, gator."

Then I hopped in the car and drove to the other store. I was there in 8 minutes and they were not terribly busy. Neither was the other store, but that is neither here nor there... These guys got me in and out in 35 minutes. An hour after I left the first store I was home. I guess I know which store I will be going to next time.

And I had stopped at Costco for gas on the way, which almost 20 minutes. But that is a bitch session for another day...

Die Spammers!

2007-02-06T16:15:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else getting hit with a lot of spam comments on old posts lately? This blog seems to be getting hit frequently right now. Of course, I have email notifications anytime someone comments, so I can get it deleted quickly.

The odd thing is that they are hitting posts from 6 months - a year ago, not the most recent ones.

Like anyone really is going to see it after they sear my archives over here.

Scofflaw No More

2007-01-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

A follow up to my last post, ScofflawDaddy :

I finally got someone to answer the phone this morning. Then they immediately put me on hold for 13 minutes. It was not going too well.

Once they came back to me, I told my sad story and the receptionist/phone answerer/secretary/clerk put me on hold again. Damn hold button.

She finally came back and said that the judge dismissed the $29 charge against me, since they have no idea how I would have ended up with a $29 charge anyways. And they took a little pity since I have a commercial driver's license, that I "must need for work".

No, I did not tell them that I have not used my commercial driver's license in years. But they did not ask. Whatever. $29 for less than a half hour of hassle this morning is a lot better money than I made at work, so I am HappyDaddy once more. Just please let me forget the other hour and a half I have invested in getting this taken care of.

Without getting Tasered.

ScofflawDaddy!

2007-01-10T14:51:00.001-08:00

That's right. I have run afoul of the law. Too bad it took 6 years and a couple of months for me to feel like a rebel.

I got a speeding ticket on November 14th, 1999. I remember it because later that same day, 11/14/1999, I got ANOTHER speeding ticket. I attended traffic school to keep the first one off of my driving record. And I could not do driving school for both tickets. I ended up paying the second.

Anyways, now Johnson County, Texas says that I still owe them $29 from that ticket. And if I don't pay up, they will send out a death squad. Or at least swear out a warrant and I could be arrested if I got pulled over again. Which I have not done since 11/14/1999. (Well there was that one time that The Boss Lady put her registration sticker in the glove box instead of ON THE windshield. She was in the car with me and showed the cop the sticker. He let me go with a laugh, since the wife had gotten me pulled over...)

Anyways, I have been trying to just pay the freaking thing. It just isn't worth the potential hassle over $29. But the one office that can take my payment by credit card by phone won't answer the damn phone. I called three times today and at least 10 times yesterday. Along with a few times the day I got a letter about this matter. And once or twice between then and now.

And answering the damn phone seems to be a pretty important first step to do any bidness by phone, dontchathink?

So Justice of the Peace Stiles, give me a call sometime. I am sure we can work this out without anyone getting Tasered.

Especially me.

Choking the chickens on Elvis' B-day

2007-01-08T14:41:00.000-08:00

The center of downtown was shut down for half the day today. Thanks to a slew of dead flying rodents.

But you know Austin Bills itself as the Live Music Capital of the World, right? Maybe this was simply a Austin Convention and Visitors Bureau PR stunt.

Happy birthday Elvis. Here is a 14 dozen dead bird salute for your 71st.

Wishes beyond his years

2007-01-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

Took the kids to the Children's Musuem this morning. They had a wall half covered in hand written children's New Year resolutions. One of them made me laugh out loud. Either the kid didn't have enough paper to finish the resolution, or he is really thinking ahead (wink wink nudge nudge).

"This year I want to get more"

My dirty little mind decided that is my resolution, too. Yep, I want me some more.

All year long.

The waiver to end all waivers

2007-01-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

Check out this waiver from back when Racecar Man and I went to watch the building of an Extreme Makeover House.

You can click on the pic for more detail.

The part about "...Throughout the universe, in perpetuity..." just cracks me up. If I had known how to write a waiver like that, I might still be in the business.

And I am REALLY glad that I don't live in that neighborhood...

Ode to Allergy Season

2006-12-28T06:25:00.000-08:00

Kill the cedar trees.
The juniper trees, too.
I think I'll go sharpen my chain saw.

Oak trees? they are A-OK for now.
When Spring rolls around, they might be on death watch, too.

Molds and grasses, you better watch your asses.

It's been a month

2006-12-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

And believe me, I've had plenty of things to gripe and whine about. Just haven't made it over here to recorded my rantings.

I'll try harder to bitch and complain more this month.

European fashions and cattle chutes

2006-11-18T09:15:00.000-08:00

Friday afternoon The Boss came home from work a little early and we headed out to the brand new IKEA store that opened a couple of days ago. The weekend crowds had not fully engulfed the store yet, and we were able to get in easily enough. And that is about where the fun ended.

The store is set-up like a mouse maze. Everyone is routed through the store the same way, guided by arrows etched into the concrete floor. No real problem, until we realized that we had missed something. Then we had to swim upstream to catch that section. Not fun. Especially since the crowds had fully attacked the store in that time.

Later, the kids were getting hungry, so we doubled back AGAIN, to grab some hot dogs at the cafe. Didyaknow that they have TWO places to eat in there? Yep. No hot dogs at the cafe, Those are available by the checkout stands, in a little bistro. Youbetcha that made me really happy, to have to get back into the crowd current again and swim for the end of the store.

We did find some cool lamps for the living room, and a mattress for The Talker's bottom bunk. He has been sleeping on a big air mattress since we set up his bunk beds.

The kids and I pretty much blew past the end of the store tour, to sit and eat hot dogs and ice cream. Turned out to be the best part. But FYI, skip the IKEA potato chips. They suck.

$65 washer ride

2006-11-05T12:01:00.000-08:00

My cell phone survived the ride through the washing machine, but the battery died in the laundry. After 13 stops, including two stores that were not opened this today and 11 stores that either didn't sell batteries for cell phones, or did not have the one I needed, I finally found a replacement battery this morning.

For a little under $65. My only other option was to upgrade my our contract and to extend it for two more years to get a new phone at a discount. All in all, the $65 might have been a good deal.

The Boss Lady carries the same phone, so even if my phone does not last forever, the extended capacity battery that I bought today should come in handy.

Time for an upgrade!?!

2006-10-26T18:46:00.000-07:00

My cell phone just died a watery death.

Or at least it had a near-drowning experience. A trip through the washing machine could not have possibly done it any good, right? Maybe it will be OK, once it has a day or two to dry out.

Woomba

2006-10-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

A SAHD buddy and I were laughing about the new Roomba vac.

He reminded me about a Saturday Night Live Skit, The Woomba. So here it is.

Oh yeah, I just remembered one...

2006-09-22T07:21:00.000-07:00

A while back I blogged about our anonymous caller. Well, they must have given up finally.

But now I have a frequent visitor on my cell phone. Actually, I have three of them. One is constantly calling and asking for Francis. And two others are automated sales calls.

So now I am down to screening my cell calls. Voice mail can talk to the chick looking for Francis. 'Cause I am done. The automated voices don't leave messages.

But it is getting better now. Turns out you can assign a specific ringer action to selected callers and callers who do not disclose Caller ID info. In this case, all of these calls are set to not ring. And now that I know how to set that feature, any callers I don't want deal with will get the same treatment.

COOL!

Here whiner whiner

2006-09-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

I guess I have had nothing to whine about in a while. I was checking my blog roll on AtHomeDaddy for any sites that have not been updated in a while.

This was one of the worst offenders but I can't really delete one of my own blogs from my blog roll can I? That just feels wrong.

So here I am. And now I am leaving.

But I promise I'll bitch and whine more regularly in the future.

The worst $5 I ever earned

2006-08-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks back I opened a piece of junk mail that had a brand new $1 bill in it. Then a couple of days later, the calls started. Arbitron cared what I thought about our local radio stations. So I agreed to participate by logging the different stations and times that I listened to for a week.

Then they mailed me the forms and called to say that they had mailed the forms, with a couple of bucks tucked inside. I got the forms and they called to ask if I had gotten the forms. Another letter arrived a couple of days later, with another set of crisp bills included. The scheduled date arrived for me to start recording on the forms. And they called to tell me that. A few days later, another call to make sure we were keeping up with the logging.

Wednesday I finished and dropped everything in the mail. Since then, two more calls, but no more dollar bills. So Arbitron is officially cut off. I refuse to answer any more questions about my radio habits.

Unless they start sending me more nice clean dollar bills. Heck, for a ten spot I'll even tell them what I think of your radio listening habits. But I am not answering their calls next time.

Stickin' it to the state

2006-07-27T15:15:00.000-07:00

About a year ago I lost a fight with the state. They started using new registration stickers that made a lot of sense, the car's license plate number and part of the VIN is now on the sticker to help fight theft of the registration stickers. But that is all good stuff. I had no problem with that.

It was the @)#&)@(#&* stickers themselves. I tore up two of the #$)$*)(*#()&@%#%%!@# things trying to get them to seperate from the paper they feed through the computerr printer on. Finally, after I taped the stickers to our car windows with scotch tape, I gave up and went to the county for replacement stickers.

And I sent an email to the state, complaining about the stupid stickers. And it worked.

Just a few hours ago I got an email from a state office:

Dear Texan,

We couldn’t have done it without you.

Thanks to your suggestions and comments we have completely redesigned the vehicle registration sticker. Because you played an important role in our redesign, we want you to be among the first to see it.

The new registration sticker features many of your ideas for improvement, including:

● A clean, uncluttered design
● A colored border to eliminate the “household tape” appearance
● A solid back to eliminate the “paper” appearance

Also, you will be pleased to know the new sticker peels cleanly off from any corner on the back of the registration receipt (no more punch tab)...

It is our goal to always deliver a product that meets the high quality standards Texans expect. I personally apologize to those of you who experienced any problem with the previous sticker.

We heard you, we used your ideas, and we are very excited about the new sticker design. I want to thank you again for your input as we believe it resulted in a design Texans will be proud to display. Take a look at the new sticker and let us know what you think.

We take our commitment to you seriously, and should you ever have any questions or suggestions please contact our customer service help desk...

With a response like that, what do you bet I wasn't the only one who hated those @#$&(@#)($ stickers.

Stickin' it to the Wals

2006-07-10T08:57:00.000-07:00

The kids and I ran to Wal-Mart this morning. We only needed three things but we had to go because we had an exchange to make. So we could not pass WM by and go to Target like usual.

No problems finding our items and the exchange was handled quickly and politely. The way I remember it being done when I worked for WMs warehouse little brother. Not wanting to ruin the best WM trip in years, I headed to the self-checkout line. That and the only cashiers were on registers #1 and 2. We were half a mile away, at register #456.

I tried to scan one item and it didn't ring up. Before I could scan it again, a cashier snatched the stuff out of my hand and scanned it over and over without success. Hell, I could have done THAT. Finally she entered the UPC numbers directly then she scanned the rest of my stuff.

All without a single word. It was creepy.

After I got everyone loaded and buckled in, I threw the bag in the car and we were almost done. I looked in the bottom of the cart and there was a pack of batteries that the super-polite cashier had not scanned.

I decided it wasn't worth dealing with her again over a $1.77, so I grabbed my ill-gotten batteries and we hit the road. If the cashier hadn't been so odd, I think I would have hauled the kids back into the store to teach a good life lesson.

But not this time.

A little overkill, don'tcha think?

2006-07-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

A few years ago my parents bought a locking mailbox. Not a bad idea to protect your valuable junk mail.

Anyways, while I was on Costco.com this morning I found this beauty. She can be on your curb for $159 delivered. Of course, if you put one up in my neighborhood, I WILL make fun of you and teach my children to point at the crazy people with the goofy mailbox.

Oh yeah, they have it in white, too. But my kids will still laugh at you just as much...

Ever just say screw it?

2006-07-07T09:59:00.000-07:00

I need to mow and edge the yard.
I need to clean the garage.
I need to do laundry.
I need to pick up the toys in the front yard but I don't want to do any of that stuff.
I need to find someone to work on my truck but I am not ready to spend the $.
I was going to go to the gym but I am lazy.
I was going to go fishing.

Instead I am sitting here cruising MySpace and watching Sports Center.

What a life.

1 800 Screw You

2006-06-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

We get like 30 calls a day from an unidentified 1 800 number. Our bills are all paid up, so I don't know what they want. And I don't really give a crap.

If your business can't identify itself via Caller Id, then screw off and quit calling. 'Cause you ain't ever talking to anyone in this house.

Edit - I tried a couple of online reverse look up tools, but I am not willing to pay $12-$15 to find out who is calling me all freakin' day. Anyone want to give it a crack?

My kingdom for a freakin' blue pen.

2006-06-08T13:41:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I can't find a gdamn pen in this house? I need to sign a state form and it has to be in blue or black ink. So what have I found on my quest:

13 unsharpened pencils
Sharpie Markers in Orange, Blue, Light Blue and Black
Gel pens in gold, silver, red, lavender and green
3 sharpened pencils
One pen shaped click eraser

Maybe if I keep looking I'll find Hoffa and save the FBI some trouble.

Edit - One hour and six minutes later...

OK, I found one. In the bathroom in a drawer. Dunno why it was there.

I couldn't resist...

2006-05-22T09:53:00.000-07:00

I just got a spam comment on a posting from October of 2004. And know what I did? I deleted it.

Even though I know full well that except for following the above link, no one would ever see that message again. Just a matter of principle, you know.

Rick, you ignorant slut...

2006-04-30T13:41:00.000-07:00

Whatcha go and do that for? Jinxing me is not nice.

The toilet was so clogged up this afternoon that I had to make a run to Home Depot for a toilet auger. The plunger just wouldn't cut it.

Thanks for hexing me. Want to wish any more ill on me or my house, buddy?

No more fixing stuff, OK!

2006-04-25T07:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we found out the house needs a new roof. Today we find out if the foundation needs work. Sometime this summer I'll have the termite guys over to see what kind of damage we have. Whatever it is, I bet the repairs will be cheap, right?

There are times that I sure do miss renting.

Or living with my parents. OK, maybe it is not that bad. It is only the floor walls and roof giving me problems over here.

871

2006-04-06T20:19:00.000-07:00

The spam fest is over. I hit 871 emails this evening when gmail started removing the oldest from my spam box.

The only hassle in the whole deal was deleting them all. gmail would only let me delete 50 at a time until i made a quick change to my settings. Then I could delete 100 of the suckers with a couple of clicks.

Less than a minute and a month's worth of spam was gone like the dawn.

ADHDaddy, spam collector

2006-04-06T05:56:00.000-07:00

850 spam messages in the box, 1 and a half hours until gmail should start deleting unread spam.

11:51am Up to 857 now and gmail hasn't deleted any, yet

I feel so evil

2006-03-31T07:08:00.000-08:00

As of 8:28 am this morning, there were 666 spam emails sitting in my trash box, waiting for my mail service to start deleting them in 6 days.

I was expecting to hit 1000 in the month, but it looks like the spammers might not be hitting me as often as I thought.

The right car for the wrong guy

2006-03-20T13:14:00.000-08:00

After spending much of last week shopping for a new car, I am thrilled by the way we were treated at the dealership where we bought.

But several other dealerships seem to be stuck on the high pressure sales stuff. Does it ever actually work anymore?

A few things I dealt with:

A saleswoman at a Chevrolet lot who knew next to nothing about the cars she was selling, except the ones that were on "Special", which were the $46,000 Yukons. Even after we told her we were looking at small SUVs, she kept pushing us toward the full sized beasts. Then she decided that maybe we needed an Aveo, the Chevy shoe box on wheels. We may like out little family, but we don't need to be THAT close.

After we bought the Vue, we burned her business card. Kind of a sacrifice to the SUV gods.

A Nissan salesman chased me between cars for 10 minutes. He never did catch up to me. Maybe if he had spent more time walking and less time yelling to find me. Too bad they park the cars too close for the fat guys to fit between...

I saw a Mercury dealership that actually prices the udercarriage and upholstery coatings on the options list, along with a $200 VIN etching job. Does anyone ever actually pay for that stuff?

But it wasn't all bad. There was the Mazda salesman that I bet I would like to hang out with sometime. We did not talk about any great car deals, but he was a great storyteller. I know stuff about his kids, his nephews and his college years. I never did get much info about Mazdas, but it was an hour well spent.

And then there was the Honda salesman that told me "But you don't look like a freak." when I told him that I was interested in taking a closer look at the Honda Element. And from what I see, he is right. That is a freaky car for freaky people.

Spam this, buddy

2006-03-07T09:24:00.000-08:00

The email for my blog sites gets a lot more spam than my other email addresses. No big surprise, since the address is right there in the sidebar. My email program lets me dump the spam folder with one click, so it is no big deal, really. Plus, if spam sits for 30 days, it is automatically deleted. But I can't stand for it to sit there, so I delete it every time I open the account.

Now I am curious. I wonder how much spam I will receive before the program automatically deletes it. So I am going to try it. I am about to let the spam folder fill for a month, just to see how many I actually receive.

I'll keep you updated.

What kind of new job is this?

2006-02-27T15:10:00.000-08:00

The Boss Lady reportedly starts a new job tomorrow. They supposedly held a going away party for her today.

Yet she did not want me to bring the kids to the party. AND she came home with a stack of singles. $30 in one dollar bills.

Any guesses? And should I be worried about the new job? Or should I have been more suspicious of the old job? But most important of all... Where is my half?

Great timing

2006-02-09T05:42:00.000-08:00

It was bound to happen. The Princess and I put a few plants in the garden yesterday afternoon. So of course, the temperature dipped below freezing last night.

I haven't been out to see the carnage yet. And since we only planted a few dozen onions (about half of what a neighbor gave us last week), it will be OK if the frost kills them off.

Trash or Treasure?

2006-01-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

A hint for parents, especially the mother of my children:

If you are throwing toys and or toy parts away, take the garbage bag outside after you toss the toys. I just spent 5 minutes explaining why The Talker's party hats were in the trash and why the hotwheel carwash was under them.

And the Power Ranger's motorcycle underneath that? It almost caused the four year old to have a stroke. Until I agreed that it would get a reprieve.

I feel like the govenor, granting clemency to old toys. Wait a minute, I am in Texas. Our govenors don't do that...

I bet I opened a can of worms

2006-01-10T18:15:00.000-08:00

When I was cruising the neighborhood, checking out every one else's junk piles, I found a treasure. A real work of art.

An 18 inch by 36 inch painting of a nude woman. On black velvet. It was sitting against the mailbox at a really nice house. And she was facing the street in all her velvety glory.

So I grabbed that painting and have now displayed it over at Law Talking Guy's house. It is hanging on his outdoor lamp, between the garage doors. Displayed like the fine piece of art that it is.

I mean, really, I would not want to mess it up. 'Cause I'll likely be seeing it again. Soon.

A riddle for you... Ewww, YUCK!

2005-12-19T14:29:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you cross a Ford minivan going 78 miles an hour down the interstate and an 80 pound pitbull walking across the same interstate at the same time?

Nothing good for the dog, I tell ya.

And it did not do the underside or the rear of the minivan any good either.

Dog, dead. Several times over
Rear bumper cover, split in two
Rear window, splattered
Undercarriage dented and yucky
Children, wife and teen passengers, grossed out

Gotta love a good road trip.

Wow!

2005-12-15T17:41:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that it has been this long since I had something to bitch or whine about. Actually, I have planned on putting several things over here, but I haven't taken the time.

So the short versions follow:

I have a new nemesis in the hood. Actually two nemises, (Or is it nemisi?) Two little pricks who drie like crap through the neighborhood and like threatening people with baseball bats.

And the other major issue in my life right now... I hate Christmas music. And anyone who likes Christmas music.

Especially if you like Christmas music, can't drive worth a damn and are a high school football player whose little chump twin brother likes to threaten neighbors with baseball bats.

By the way, I really do like people who like Christmas music. And I can even listen to Christmas music, but not until December 23rd.

High school aged jerks with bats? Never liked 'em. Never will.

I am thankful for...

2005-11-25T14:07:00.000-08:00

having an hour to waste on Tuesday morning. And for lousy customer service agents. They give me a target for all of my ire and hate. And I got a lot to go around...

It all started last weekend when I killed my cell phone by dropping it off of a fishing pier. Not surprisingly, after I fished it off of the bottom with a net, it would not work. I have been wanting a new phone anyways, so I wasn't too upset.

We keep the cell phone for emergencies and so that I have a way to contact The Boss Lady while the kids and I are out running around. In more than a year and a half we have only talked on the thing like 500 minutes. It lives in the diaper bag most of the time. And frequently goes missing for days at a time. We are not tied too tightly to this phone. So we use a prepaid service.

We have always been pleased with Tracfone. When we got it, the phone came with a year's service and about 40 minutes of talk time. We put a couple of hundred minutes on it back then and the time lasted us the entire year. In March we bought another year of service and about 300 minutes. In all of that time, we had no missed calls and no dropped calls, so what more do we need?

But when I killed the phone we still had about 75 minutes on the phone. According to Paul in customer service, they could not verify the time, so they would only give me 10 minutes for activating my new phone. But I could keep the last 4 months of my year of service. He was not rude, just not allowed to solve my problem. When I asked to speak to a supervisor, he offered me 30 minutes and the remaining service time. No deal.

Then Paul asked if I would settle for 75 minutes and the months. Yes, we have a deal, Paul. But after I agreed, he transferred me to a supervisor anyways. I waited on hold for 20 more minutes but Florence, the supervisor, would not agree to credit the 75 minutes, only the 30, and I would need to buy another year of service immediately.

And she called me a liar. Said that her employee never agreed to anything of the sort. And if said he did, then he was lying, too. This was her only offer, take it or leave it.

Hey Florence, you stupid bitch, no deal.

So I demanded my case number and asked to speak to her supervisor. I was pretty sure she would hang up on me, so if I had a decent case number, maybe I would not have to wait so long on a follow up call.

20 minutes later, the manager, Maria and I had another deal. And after I spent another 10 minutes explaining that I did not like being called a liar by her employee, she gave us a little bit of extra time. We now have the remainder of our year of service and 90 minutes of talk time.

So I spent 55 minutes on the phone. I got my time and service back and 15 extra minutes. I figure the time cards cost about $40 for 80 minutes, so even though it was a hassle, it was worth it. And I bet we won't use all of this time beore we have to buy more time in March.

So now, if I ever go to New Delhi I'll have cell service to call and get bail money. Because if I go to New Delhi and I run into Florence, I'm kicking her ass. And maybe Paul will help me.

Words to live by...

2005-10-20T15:17:00.000-07:00

A neighbor gave me a copy of this. It is now hanging over the workbench...

Troubleshooting Flowchart

Don't look if strong language offends you. But if it does, you probably have not been out in my garage while I am troubleshooting...

Hundreds of years of technological development. For THIS?

2005-10-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

The Infinite Cat Project

Just click on NEXT Cat on the upper right of the screen. You'll see.

Want more info? Here is their main page.

For the record, I stopped after 27 cats. Or was it 127?

Anyways, there are currently 1069 pictures added...

The value of i

2005-10-09T06:41:00.000-07:00

This morning on the news, they flashed a headline "Hillary Clinton Indicted". That got my attention quickly.

Turns out they were reporting that Hillary Clinton had been inducted into some organization, not indicted.

Oops. So much for spell cheek.

Full disclosure, I did spell check this entry... It is supposed to be irony

It was something...

2005-09-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

I saw or heard something today that was either hilarious or stupid or ironic or just plain dumb enough that I planned to blog about it here.

But I forgot what it was. If you remember, let me know.

Rebate Schmeebate

2005-09-28T10:04:00.000-07:00

I swear I will never again be fooled by rebate prices. You know, when a retail store marks an item with the shelf price, minus the mail in rebate, and the price in an unbelievably great deal?

I have never been screwed by one of these deals. I have always gotten the rebate. Eventually.

I am now into my 10th week of waiting for a $50 rebate on a computer hard drive. They ask customers to wait 8 weeks for the refund. So I have now called the 1800 customer service line and used their web based tracking system. They all say the same thing "In Processing". Just like they told me two weeks ago.

Today though, I got an email directly from a customer service rep at the company. The way the email was written, I think it was an actual person sending it, not a computer generated response to my inquiry. And now she say that they have only had the request for 6 weeks. Isn't it funny that I mailed it less than 500 miles and it took 20 days to get to them? I have never ticked off my mail man, so I don't think it actually took that long.

But believe me, Annette, in customer service will be getting a lot of email from me in a couple of weeks if the rebate isn't here, soon. It might even be worth her sending me a $50 personal check, just to get me to go away.

Again?

2005-09-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

The kids are watching Barney. I am getting the house and yard ready for a playdate. When I walked in the house, the Barney kids were singing a song. I only heard a few lines, but it must've been a great song.

"Let's have an intervention
We will find a good snack there."

When I asked The Talker, he said they were singing about "Going to the kitchen."

Yeah right. I am sure they were about to confront the kids with glasses about his meth addiction.

The Talker makes a good point, though. The kids were all wearing chef's hats. And no one has ever worn one of those at any of my interventions.

Stick THIS!

2005-09-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

You've seen the stickers on the back of minivans, right? The ones that identify the driver's progeny by first name and by whatever activity they excel in. Sometimes the have a team logo or a uniform number...

Anyways, I have always thought they are a little pretentious and snotty. Why else would they only be on SUVs and minivans? And yes, I know there are several of these stickers in my extended family. Tough titty. I've made fun of my relatives for less...

So tonight I saw the highest form of sticker snobbery. A green SUV with two stickers. One on each side of the read window. In the shape of dog bones.

I swear. Outlines of dog bones with the pooch's name inside. One bone read Jake, the other, Sadie. Maybe they do have dog faced kids with canine names?

Who gives a good dog damn what your ugly mutts names are? I've got a freaking registered something or other dog that we paid way too much for. He still chews my shoes and digs up the backyard. Who cares?

Nobody cares. That's who.

Now if Jake and Sadie join the Baseball Team or the High School Marching Band Tuba section, put that on your window. 'Cause that, I'd want to know about.

Every good marriage needs a soundtrack... (or a laughtrack)

2005-08-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

It's The Little Things by Robert Earl Keen
From the album, The Party Never Ends

It's the way you stroke my hair while I am sleepin'
It's the way you tell me things I don't know
It's the way you remember I came home late for dinner
Eleven months and fourteen days ago

CHORUS

It's the little things the little bitty things
Like the way that you remind me I've been growin soft
It's the little things the itty bitty things
It's the little things
That piss me off

It's the note that you leave on the breakfast table
With a list of things to help me plan my day
It's the way you say we could have If you'd done the things you should have
It's the little things Darlin that make me feel this way

CHORUS

It's the little things the little bitty things
like the way that you remind me I've been growin soft
It's the little things the itty bitty things
It's the little things
That piss me off

Got a Monkey on my Back...

2005-08-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

I swear I just heard Boots the Monkey yell "Rehab" when Dora was singing the Where are We Going song.

You know the song,

Where are we going?

Rehab!

And yes, I did come back to this post and change the title. This one is much better than the original, Hello, Hallucinations...

ADHDaddy Farm and Ranch Realty Co.

2005-07-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

This morning we were driving past a thrift store. On the front of the store they had a banner that read "Putting People to Work".

So that got me thinking of a way to restate that sentiment. Then I got bored and decided on a great sign for a real estate company, specifically one that specializes in farm and ranch land... "Putting People Out to Pasture".

I thought it was funny. The wife thought it was funny. But know that only a few minutes later I told The Boss Lady that I was so hungry "I could eat my own left tit".

Take that as you wish.